Yes, air travel can get much worse — if cellphone chatter is allowed

Air travelers already face shrinking seats, smaller bathrooms, fear of terrorism and outbursts of rage.

A Department of Transportation proposal would create a new annoyance to drive us mad in a confined space: cellphone chatter.

Airlines, please don’t allow in-flight cellphone use. To quote corrupt ex-Clark County Commissioner Erin Kenny, “I’m on my knees begging.” (I’d have to do it in an aisle, because there’s no room to kneel anywhere else on a plane.)

Unless the plane is going down and people want to say goodbye to their loved ones, I don’t want to hear inane conversations, personal arguments, gossip or anything else.

In December, the Department of Transportation announced it would consider the change. After all, you can use your cellphone on a train, bus or subway.

But trains provide quiet cars for people who don’t want to listen to jibber-jabber.

The final decision will be made by the airlines themselves. But the Department of Transportation seems to be heading in that direction.

I read on planes. So listening to conversations would annoy me. Because I would listen. I couldn’t tune it out.

Already there is opposition.

The Global Business Travel Association was swift to send out a statement in December, saying “Silence is golden.” Paraphrasing Pete Seeger, the association said there is a time to speak out and a time to keep quiet. “Allowing passengers to make cellphone calls on planes presents a security threat as well as the potential for disruption and a loss of productivity,” the association stated.

A poll conducted for the association said 64 percent of business travelers disagree with allowing passengers to talk on their cellphones in flight. Only 9 percent agreed and 27 percent were neutral.

In what seems like an inconsistency, 58 percent of those same business travelers said they would be more likely to book a flight that allowed cellphone use, presuming all other things were equal.

In 2003, the Federal Communications Commission considered the change but backed away when flight attendants and others lobbied against it.

Nobody enjoys flying anymore. Certainly not the passengers. Even a few pilots are getting liquored up before boarding.

I doubt the dogs who are portrayed as “service” dogs enjoy the experience. More and more people are taking to Facebook to rant about the number of dogs on flights who don’t seem to be service dogs.

Did you know that, for as little as $69, you can buy a kit to declare your dog a service animal?

Obviously, true service dogs should be allowed to fly. The ones wearing rhinestones seem suspect.

Maybe the dogs need to use cellphones, too.

The Association of Flight Attendants, which represents 60,000 people, opposes in-flight cellphone use, citing both passenger preference and safety issues. Flight attendants “understand the importance of maintaining a calm cabin environment. Any situation that is loud, divisive, and possibly disruptive is not only unwelcome but also unsafe,” the association proclaimed.

Flight attendants also are concerned that “in emergencies, cellphone use would drown out announcements and distract from life-saving instructions from the crew.”

Text if you want. But don’t force others to listen to you.

Most of the cell calls I overhear are insipid. They’re nothing that can’t wait.

To share your opinion on in-flight cellphone use with the Department of Transportation, the public can go to www.regulations.gov and search for docket number DOT-OST-2014-0002. The deadline is Feb. 13.

If the airlines were smart, they might want to do one thing to make flights slightly more pleasant.

Just because technology allows us to do something doesn’t mean we should.

Jane Ann Morrison’s column runs Thursdays. Leave messages for her at 702-383-0275 or email jmorrison@reviewjournal.com. Find her on Twitter: @janeannmorrison