E! show’s trip to Vegas helps soften Dina Lohan’s image

Just last week, the Vegas mystique made "The View" almost watchable and turned most of the "Last Comic Standing" contestants from downright annoying to vaguely amusing. (Although as usual, producers still sent the wrong comics home.)

But nothing compares to the city’s transformation of Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s spotlight-hogging, stage mom from hell, like it was some sort of neon Henry Higgins.

"Living Lohan" (10:30 p.m. Sundays, E!) — which chronicles Dina’s attempts to soften her image while turning her younger daughter, 14-year-old Ali, into a star — and "Denise Richards: It’s Complicated" (10 p.m. Sundays, E!) — which chronicles Charlie Sheen’s bitter ex-wife’s attempts to soften her image — are a match made in tabloid heaven. If only the newest E! stars would adopt a Third World baby together, Us Weekly would be set for life.

I’ve had every episode sitting in my DVR since they first aired, but I’ve been avoiding both shows like they’re the tape from "The Ring." I even tried not to look directly at their titles as I scrolled past them.

When even E! doesn’t seem to care how bad they are — Commercials for both series trumpet the negative reviews just as much as the positive ones. "What’s it all mean?" an announcer asks. "Who cares? Everyone’s talking about them." — that’s some bad mojo.

But with "Living Lohan" entering its Vegas phase — Dina brought Ali to the Palms in April to record an album — I finally screwed up the courage to check out both shows.

"It’s Complicated" is every bit as bad as I had feared. Despite executive producing the series, Richards comes across as a foul-mouthed, self-Googling nutjob. The only thing separating Denise from dense is the letter "i."

The actress storms out of a set-the-record-straight meeting with a "celebrity journalist" after calling the reporter something so vile, I can’t even allude to it here. She brags that "I’ve made a lot of money with my boobs." And when a friend tries setting her up with a non-Hollywood type, her only response is: "I can’t help that I’m attracted to (bleep)ing hot, sexy guys with big (bleep)s."

"Living Lohan" started out much the same way.

When a guidance counselor calls to say Ali is being harassed at school to the point that the bullies may be suspended, the first thing Dina does after hanging up is joke about making money off her daughter’s pain with "Mean Girls 2," a sequel to Lindsay’s best movie.

And when Dina leaves Ali and 11-year-old Cody at home to attend a party thrown in her honor, a small electrical fire starts in the walls of the Lohan house. Footage of Dina mingling and dancing are then interspersed with scenes of her kids freaking out, unable to reach their mom, as fire trucks arrive and EMTs monitor an asthmatic Ali.

But as soon as their limo hit the Strip in Sunday’s episode (I assume it aired; I saw an advance copy because of deadlines), Dina turned into SuperMom. Suddenly, she’s concerned about the well-being of her meal-ticket — I mean daughter — showing what seems like genuine concern and reminding the people behind the album that Ali’s still a child and shouldn’t be pressured.

And despite blowing off the needs of her non-breadwinning son in the previous episode — "Cody is a little apprehensive about leaving his friends and leaving soccer to go to Vegas, but he doesn’t really have much of a choice at this point because he’s only 11" — Dina takes him out for a day full of a movie, arcade games, Lance Burton magic tricks at the Bootlegger, running amok at Madame Tussauds and every 11-year-old boy’s dream, the Liberace Museum.

Sure, it felt more like an afternoon put together by the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority than by a concerned mom, but the Vegas episodes that continue for the next two weeks are all about marketing.

Dina’s promoting herself, her daughter and the upcoming album. E! gets a little cross-branded advertising by having Hugh Hefner and some of "The Girls Next Door" stop by. And you can’t miss the obligatory look-how-awesome-the-Palms-is scenes (Phil and Gavin Maloof are executive producers).

But regardless of how it happened, that one afternoon softened Dina Lohan’s image more than a dozen magazine puff pieces ever could, making her look if not entirely like Scrooge on Christmas morning, then at least like old Ebenezer after visits from the first or second ghost.

If Denise Richards were smart, she’d be on the next plane to McCarran to take advantage of the city’s redemptive powers.

But based on her behavior on "It’s Complicated," that’s a mighty big if.

Christopher Lawrence’s Life on the Couch column appears on Mondays. E-mail him at clawrence@reviewjournal.com.