Alternative realities we’d like to see on TV

Reality TV is rarely something you’d consider worthwhile, but the shows somehow seem to get even worse during the hottest months.

Mercifully, Las Vegas has been spared its own shows in recent weeks, likely to give the city time to recover from the recent invasion by Oxygen’s "Bad Girls Club."

But this respite can only last so long, considering the valley has already been home to shows starring pawnbrokers, polygamists, partyers, party planners, strippers, hookers, gigolos, inmates, cops, lawyers, chefs, bartenders, servers, showgirls, tattooists, gamblers, magicians, hotel workers, spray tanners, car salesmen, restoration experts, aquarium makers, ghost hunters and Holly Madison.

Just to name a few.

So, while we’re bracing for their inevitable return, here’s a look at some of the Las Vegas-based reality shows we’d actually like to see:

"Bending Over Backward" – The true story of seven Cirque du Soleil acrobats, picked to live in a house and have their lives taped to find out what happens when they stop being polite (or start being as impolite as their French-Canadian overlords will allow) and start getting real – real flexible.

"Rehab Rehab" – A team of experts tries to understand what drives people to spend each weekend under the blazing sun at pool parties, tattooed shoulder-to-tattooed shoulder with thousands of their closest friends. Then, the experts try to break the cycle by introducing them to more constructive ways of spending their time and money. The show’s motto: The first 12 steps out of the deep end are the hardest.

"Rehab Rehab: The After Show" – This companion series looks at the herculean cleanup effort at pool parties and how the employees get everything back the way it was, without help from either FEMA or the EPA.

"Mob Widows" – Pretty much VH1’s "Mob Wives," only classier. (Like there’s any other way.) More importantly, the cast is older and wiser, able to recall when their husbands "disappeared" during the Mafia’s Las Vegas heyday.

"Keeping Up With the Kerkorians" – The 95-year-old billionaire founder of MGM Resorts International endears himself to a new generation by being exasperated at the antics of his socialite offspring. (If he doesn’t have any who fill the bill, he can rent some. Did we mention he’s a billionaire? Besides, like anybody thinks Khloe is really a Kardashian.)

"Round and Round" – In each episode, a different member of the Strip’s roster of world-famous DJs tries in vain to explain dance music to people older than 35.

"Ball Busters" – Offering an inside look at the cutthroat world of bingo, the series features some of the most grizzled ladies in the game, many of whom would just as soon cut off your finger and use it as a dauber than see you win a jackpot.

"Ass Juice" – The Double Down Saloon, home to the titular drink, invites cameras in to film its regulars. Assuming you can call anyone who frequents the iconic bar "regular."

"Making an Impression" – Without naming names, many of our fair city’s impressionists still favor voices that feel ripped from the headlines … of Life magazine. This series takes viewers through the steps of finding a way to mimic a celebrity who’s been relevant this century.

"Underwater" – In each episode, 10 Las Vegas homeowners who owe more on their residences than they’re worth – in other words, 10 Las Vegas homeowners – are lowered into one of the tanks filled with sharks, piranha and other deadly critters at Mandalay Bay’s Shark Reef. Whoever stays under the longest has his mortgage paid off in full.

"The Price Is What?!?!" – Tourists from small towns are asked to guess the going rate for such overpriced luxuries as show tickets, gourmet dinners and bottle service. Hilarity ensues.

"Owww!" – Each week, one lucky local is sent to the Strip for 24 hours with carte blanche to slap anyone still uttering a variation on "What happens in Vegas …" (Admittedly, this one wouldn’t play all that well outside the valley.)

"Joe Vegas" – Cameras follow a regular guy as he wakes up, goes to work in an office, runs errands, returns home, watches some TV and goes to bed. Sure, it sounds dull, but it would show the rest of the world we’re more than just a bunch of strippers, hookers, gigolos, inmates …

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com or 702-380-4567.