THE FINAL TRUCK STOP

“Trucker Hat should have never been behind the wheel in the first place,” said fashion police called to the scene. “It only goes to show that this trend consistently demonstrated carelessness and poor judgment. Trucker Hat was an accidental trend with an accidental fate.”

The statement released by police has struck a few chords in Tinseltown. The controversial accessory was seen regularly keeping company with stars whose lives have since quickly spiraled downward. Britney Spears, Hat’s most devout follower, became friendly with him at a point when her reputation was still intact. KFed hadn’t entered her life yet, nor had barber’s clippers nor, for that matter, multi-functional umbrellas. Shortly after she and Hat became bosom buddies, Spears and “don’t” lists became synonymous and her hard downfall soon followed.

Both Tara Reid and Paris Hilton had similar relationships with Hat. The two enjoyed a close connection with him and even brought the foul-mouthed, always-underdressed character to the red carpet on several occasions. But Hat quickly turned on them as he slowly but surely became recognized for what he was: an accessory strictly meant for sweaty men in flannel shirts and greasy pants. Although neither Reid nor Hilton are too far removed from that profile, neither was a perfect match. Still, they refused to accept that Hat wasn’t right for them and continued to be seen with him, a fashion mistake that only led to a litany of others.

Many fans have taken solace knowing Hat is now “with the entire Grunge Trend Family, somewhere in heaven.” The general consensus seems to be that there was a time and place for Hat; that place was nowhere near a fashion circle.

May Trucker Hat rest in peace.