THE GOOD TANS PEOPLE

Janelle Perry gives good tan. But don’t tell her that; she already knows.

Just after the lithe blonde browned my body on a recent Saturday morning, I felt compelled to compliment her skills.

“Well,” Perry said as she put down her pen and smiled, “I’ve been doing this for four years so…” She trailed off, shrugged her shoulders and all but patted herself on the back.

For anyone unaware, Perry’s kind of a big deal. She competed for the LA Sunset Tan at Palms Place manager position on E!’s reality show, “LA Sunset Tan,” and won, to the dismay of four other contenders. But their loss was Las Vegas’ glowful gain. I should know; I’m still glowing.

As soon as my appointment got started, the manager demonstrated her next best employee trait: the upsell. Perry offered me an airbrush tan package of four tans that, when broken down, would come out to much less than the regular $75 per tan price. I declined and presented my debit card for her to charge. She took it and started the swipe but her instincts stopped her.

“Are you sure?” she asked, with an expression of deep compassion. “I would really hate to see you miss out on a deal like this.”

But, you’ve known me for all of two minutes, I thought. And since when can reality stars act?

She offered to throw in an additional tan and then reached for a calculator to prove the savings. She clicked the digits with her acrylic nails and held up the results. I declined again and Perry accepted what could only be interpreted as defeat.

Before we got started with the airbrush upstairs, I asked her about contouring. Perry explained that with a couple extra passes, the free service (with an airbrush) defines parts like the stomach, thighs and biceps. I requested all of the above.

In nothing but a paper thin shower cap, I stood in police frisk pose while Perry did what one could argue she was put on this Earth to do. She switched the contraption on and gripped the airbrush the same way a Charlie’s Angel would handle a pistol. The surprisingly tall salon manager then crouched down on the balls of her strappy sandals and pulled the trigger. Up my left calf she went with the spray that was goosebump cold.

She ordered me to point my toes toward and away from her, to make claws with my hands and to hold my breath while she took care of my inner thighs, backs of my hands and face, respectively. We couldn’t have been at it for more than 10 minutes before she switched off the machine. The helicopter noise stopped. Perry put the gun back and stepped away to admire her work. There’s nothing awkward about wearing a silly cap and standing naked in front of a fully-clothed blonde Amazon while she examines you.

“OK, missy. You’re all set,” she said. “It looks gorgeous.”

My reflection in the vanity mirror outside looked like I’d spent two weeks in the Bahamas. My teeth looked whiter, as did the whites of my eyes. And to think I debated going “very dark” instead of just “dark” (the first level is “medium”).

As for the contouring, I expected those areas to look as natural as the Olly Girls’ hair color but found myself surprised. Instead, everything looked the same, only slightly improved. If you notice the shading, it hasn’t been done right, Perry explained.

Before sending me on my way, she also went through all the things I should and shouldn’t do to make my tan last.

Sweat is like kryptonite to your tan, apparently. Do not work out, lift heavy objects or take any lie detector tests. The last thing she told me not to do made the difference between lasting two days and six. “Have you showered today?,” she asked. Yes, I replied. “Don’t shower tonight.”

I usually wait the recommended eight hours then hop in the shower and watch in amazement as the brown water drains. This time I held out, though. I’ve never had so many people notice, and in some cases marvel over, a tan before. By the fifth day I started to get used to the praise, but it never got old. I guess that’s how Perry feels.

LA Sunset Tan is located at Palms Place, 4381 W. Flamingo Road, 944-3858. The airbrush tan costs $75.

Contact fashion reporter Xazmin Garza at xgarza@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0477.