New year will be one to remember

JANUARY

The greatest matchup in Ultimate Fighting Championship history ends with Georges St.-Pierre retaining his welterweight championship by finishing off BJ Penn at the MGM Grand Garden, after which UFC president Dana White will announce the greatest matchup in UFC history will take place on his company’s next card. Which we think is UFC 4,546 but can’t be certain.

FEBRUARY

It becomes official on the 21st, when UNLV basketball hosts Brigham Young. That day, local media outlets give yet another update on the status of Wink Adams’ lower abdominal strain (even though it has been healed for more than a month), making it the most talked about sports injury since one part of Joe Theismann’s leg went in the direction of Los Angeles and the other toward New York.

MARCH

Carl Edwards repeats as winner of the local NASCAR stop at Las Vegas Motor Speedway but this time doesn’t fail a postrace inspection for a missing oil tank cover. There is no oil. Economic woes hit NASCAR in such a brutal manner, stock cars are replaced with horses. The good news for Edwards is that he landed what is now the sport’s most coveted sponsor — Purina Mills — whose company logo is prominently displayed across the saddle. Kyle Busch doesn’t seem fazed at falling behind in the points race, assured things will tighten up the following week in Atlanta, which will debut the much-anticipated TOT (Thoroughbred of Tomorrow), which tend to be larger, boxier animals that, while galloping slower, are cheaper to maintain.

APRIL

The Wranglers are eliminated from a first-round playoff series despite Glen Gulutzan having turned in his finest coaching job in six seasons. Undeterred by the team’s finish and already planning ways to increase attendance in 2009, team president Billy Johnson announces the team will hold "Charles Barkley Night," when anyone who agrees to a pregame blood test and registers an alcohol level over the legal limit will be admitted free and receive two beers at half price.

MAY

Tens of thousands of Filipino and British fight fans arrive in Las Vegas, where Manny Pacquiao knocks out Ricky Hatton in less than nine rounds. The real story, however, is an undercard welterweight bout between Oscar De La Hoya and Carmen Basilio. De La Hoya, having finally discovered someone he could beat, wins on split decision. "What an amazing fight!" De La Hoya announces afterward. "Carmen is the most amazing 81-year-old the sport has seen in a very long time! By the way, I feel amazing!"

JUNE

At a home game for the 51s, any fan who can name two players on the organization’s major league roster wins a pair of season tickets in 2010. Cheating isn’t allowed, which means you can’t ask play-by-play man Russ Langer, who by now knows more Blue Jays history than Tony Fernandez and Dave Stieb combined. No one comes close to winning the contest, but good news prevails when Langer lands a well-deserved major league broadcasting gig. "It’s bittersweet," Langer tells reporters before calling his final game at Cashman Field. "I always thought I would be the one to welcome fans over the airwaves when the 51s’ new ballpark opens in 2066."

JULY

UNLV football coach Mike Sanford stops by the press room at the Mountain West Conference preseason meetings, picks up a copy of the San Diego State media guide, notices Rocky Long is the Aztecs’ new defensive coordinator and pulls a Homer Simpson by slapping himself upside the head and screaming, "D’oh!" Sanford later defends not going after Long, saying he feared being fined for surpassing the maximum number of defensive coordinators coaches are allowed to hire in five years without appearing desperate.

AUGUST

The head football coaches of Las Vegas, Palo Verde and Bishop Gorman gather for their annual drawing to see which team will be allowed to go undefeated and advance to the state high school championship, again having a good laugh at all the other coaches and players who recently have been quoted stating this is the year someone new crashes the party and rules local prep football. Las Vegas draws the No. 1 slip, causing coach Chris Faircloth to panic about having only four months to decide which pair of shorts he will wear for the state title game.

SEPTEMBER

One month from staging the second Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals for Children Open, the pop singer announces an entire list of those celebrities he has landed for the pro-am portion of the event: Kevin Federline. John O’Hurley declines a return spot in the field, quietly telling friends he can’t risk being included among any has-beens for fear others might continue to label him as such. Timberlake again is late for his pretournament news conference, finally arriving with this message: "With every facet of the tournament, I say, ‘This is the second year. Let’s learn everything we can and keep applying it to the years to come.’ With a little luck and a lot of prayers, I hope to get William Shatner and Flavor Flav as early 2010 Pro-Am commitments."

OCTOBER

Another NBA season begins, prompting more discussion about the future of building an arena locally and drawing a professional team to Las Vegas, prompting Mayor Oscar Goodman to hold a news conference and talk about all the friends he has in NBA circles, prompting many to again assume Goodman can’t possibly think he is taken seriously by pro sports owners when he continues to show up at major events with showgirls on his arms. I mean, he knows it’s small-time, right?

NOVEMBER

UNLV basketball loses at Arizona on a last-second shot. Afterward, first-year Wildcats coach Lon Kruger gives Reggie Theus a pat on the back and wishes him and the Rebels much luck during the season, also asking Theus to pass on his best to the one UNLV athletic director whose opinion Kruger respected most and the one he actually listened to … Brad Rothermel. Theus says he will do so at his team’s next game, which happens to be against Division II Abilene Christian at the Orleans Arena, where UNLV officials will charge $65 per seat and once again wonder why they can’t sell out the game.

DECEMBER

Brigham Young football finishes 6-6 and in fourth place in the Mountain West but still is the choice for Las Vegas Bowl officials. In fact, executive director Tina Kunzer-Murphy finally is granted her ultimate wish and convinces committee members to forgo a Pac-10 opponent. Instead, the bowl features BYU starters scrimmaging the team’s backups, which not-so-surprisingly produces an all-time attendance record at Sam Boyd Stadium.

Ed Graney can be reached at 702-383-4168 or egraney@reviewjournal.com.