Family shattered after most of Las Vegas man’s ashes lost in mail

The family of a Las Vegas man who died in August said the U.S. Postal Service lost most of his cremated remains in the mail, preventing the family from scattering the ashes along the Southern California coast.

Barry Feeder, 59, was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2015, his siblings, Michael Feeder and Cathy Coleman, said.

“He had surgery, and he was never the same afterward,” said Michael Feeder of Connecticut, noting that his brother lost mobility in the final years of his life.

Barry Feeder died Aug. 8 in Las Vegas. His brother and sister had planned to pay tribute to the lifelong fisherman by spreading his ashes in the Pacific Ocean. Barry, they said, was cremated under the guidance of a Las Vegas memorial chapel and cemetery, which then mailed some 9 pounds of ashes, three scattering urns and three death certificates to Michael Feeder’s Connecticut home on Aug. 25.

The remains were sent by the only method allowed: priority mail through the Postal Service. The package was expected Aug. 27. Michael Feeder said it never showed up at his doorstep.

”I kept calling (the post office), and it didn’t come,” he said.

What followed was a series of communications between the Postal Service and Michael Feeder about the whereabouts of the package. Michael Feeder said he was told that there were problems with a label. He was then told the package was found at a facility in Tennessee, and all appeared well.

It wasn’t.

A little more than a week ago, Michael Feeder said, a post office supervisor showed up at his home with a damaged box with no lid and only a plastic bag with roughly a pound of ashes.

The location of the majority of the ashes, the scattering urns and the copies of their brother’s death certificate are unknown.

“It was a joke,” Michael Feeder said. “My brother’s ashes are still missing.”

The Postal Service told the Las Vegas Review-Journal in emails that the loss of Barry Feeder’s ashes is a regretful episode.

“We are extremely apologetic for the handling of this most precious family memory,” wrote Postal Service spokesman David Rupert. “We have been working with our shipping partners and we will continue to search for resolution. We have been in close contact with the family and will continue to keep them apprised of any progress.”

Barry’s sister said the gaffe has caused a lot of pain.

“We were all expecting to get together to have his service, and then the fact that they lost him, it has been horrendous,” Coleman said. “It has been an emotional nightmare. What more can my brother go through? He’s finally at peace and then this happens. It’s been a nightmare.”

King David Memorial Chapel & Cemetery, which mailed the package to Michael, issued a statement to the newspaper saying the “situation is terribly frustrating and upsetting.”

“Our mission at King David Memorial Chapel & Cemetery is to serve families with care and compassion,” the statement said. “Because of this, we have been in constant contact with the USPS, urging them to locate the loved one’s cremated remains that were entrusted into their care. It is our sincerest hope that they can locate the remaining remains and items so that this family may have some semblance of closure.”

Michael Feeder said King David did what it was supposed to do. He said his frustration is with the Postal Service and that he would like to see accountability.

“Apologizing — it doesn’t really take away from what was done,” he said. “There is no recourse. You can’t sue the government, and you can’t sue the Postal Service. It’s been devastating. The postal system failed my brother and failed my family.”

Contact Glenn Puit by email at gpuit@reviewjournal.com. Follow @GlennatRJ on Twitter.