Home should reflect who you are, make you feel safe

"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." Maya Angelou (1928-), American autobiographer, "All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes" (1986)

Several years ago I wrote a column about safe havens, i.e., our homes, our spaces, the places in which we live out our lives.

I wanted to touch on that again today for several reasons. Firstly, the holidays are approaching. And most years this brings out a thankfulness in us that, unfortunately, is not present all year. Secondly, this year in particular has been very difficult for a lot of us and I truly believe that most of us will be grateful indeed for what we do have at this "thanks-giving time."

For those of us who have a safe haven to call home are very fortunate. And if we've been able to create the home of our dreams, or just one that we love, we're luckier still.

I know that I am and I'm grateful for it every day. I love coming home and being surrounded by things in my house that mean so much to me and snuggling in my bed under a yummy down comforter at the end of each day feeling very safe and secure. It's a sweet life indeed.

So, naturally, I have a story for you.

A dear friend is undergoing a major kitchen remodel and, I must say, a badly needed one. And, since I have a proclivity to tell folks what I think they should do with their spaces, I have been harping, yes, harping, on my friend for years that something needs to be done to that kitchen.

Talk about your space as a reflection of who we are, well, this kitchen was not a reflection of him. It was quite abysmal, actually. My friend is well-travelled, interesting, intelligent and has many diversified interests. None of that showed in the old kitchen and, as a matter of fact, it resembled more of a badly rundown relic from the past, hard-handled college frat kitchen. It is, however, missing the frat boys, and beer keg.

He knew his kitchen was subpar and, consequently, he didn't invite his friends for drinks or dinner. He wasn't comfortable in there, and was a little embarrassed by the kitchen's condition. For some reason, though, he didn't mind that I saw it. Odd, really.

Oh well, after much gnashing of teeth and soul searching, he finally called a contractor to talk about a new kitchen. And you won't believe what the contractor told him. "This will change your life," he said. "And, you will feel so much better about yourself."

I have to admit, I was a little surprised about that. For sure, the contractor wanted the work, but he actually got into the philosophy of having your home represent you and making you feel good. What a concept! You would think that the contractor and I had ganged up on my friend, but no, it didn't happen that way.

There are some folks who seem not to care about where they live, but I believe them to be in the minority. If truth be told, everybody wants a happy, healthy, comfortable place to live. And if it can be pretty and tell a little story about you, so much the better.

I hope you feel even half as happy to be in your space as I do. Do everything you can to make it beautiful, comfortable, functional and a safe haven for you and your family; and regardless of its physical dimensions, it will become your castle.

Designers have known this for years, but having your home reflect your personal tastes and representing who you are is a wonderful thing. Having said this, interior design and decoration will not contribute to world peace or make the economy better, but it will make the inhabitants happy; and, at the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about? I think so.

Regardless of our situation, we have a lot to be grateful for. Count your home among your blessings, and enjoy this Thanksgiving season.

Carolyn Muse Grant is a founder and past president of the Architectural & Decorative Arts Society, as well as an interior design consultant/stylist specializing in home staging. Send questions to creativemuse@cox.net.