LOFTY GOALS

Editor's Note: "Beauty Queen" is a monthly column that sends fashion reporter Xazmin Garza out into the field to test the latest beauty products and services.

The beauty industry is a smart bunch of people. They know exactly what to promise to make consumers reach deep into their wallets, religiously apply product and then pray for results. It's called hope in a jar, a concept Helena Rubenstein founded. Pretty promises equal pretty profits.

But now the medical industry is in on it, too. Rather then lend their professional opinions to endorse beauty products, a few have made their own.

Regardless of where the guarantees come from, if someone wants to tell beauty consumers they have just the cream to rid them of their stretch marks, cellulite, flab and/or wrinkles, ears are wide open. And, as the prices prove, so are the pocketbooks.

Take a look at some of the current miracle creams on the market and how I fared with each. Some, surprisingly, lived up to their claims.

HAPPY TRAILS

My favorite euphemism for stretch marks: The road map to a real woman's body. Luckily, my "road map" only has a few trails to speak of -- horizontal, white lines that run across my hips and make my love handles appear as though someone handled them non-lovingly. They say the older the marks are, the harder they are to get rid of. My hips moved in before my seventh grade frame made room for them, which means I've been rocking the whiskers for close to 20 years now. Could StriVectin-SD, the supposed stretch mark miracle cream, live up to its reputation?

Users rave about this product from the Salt Lake City-based medical research group Klein-Becker. The fact it comes from the medical field and not the beauty industry could very well be the source of its success. StriVectin-SD contains 5 percent Striadil Complex and costs $135 for 6 ounces. But the box warns consumers that unless they're "committed to reducing the appearance of stretch marks" not to waste their time, energy or money. That means applying the cream three times a day for four to six weeks. Instead, I stretched the period to 10 weeks and applied twice daily.

According to StriVectin-SD's clinical studies, 93 percent of subjects saw "significant, visible reduction in the appearance of stretch marks." So did I. The trail didn't completely vanish, it was just re-routed. It looked as if I'd taken an eraser and lightly traced the marks to create a smudge. Some parts took very well to the cream; others were stubborn. Overall, there's a better blend. It's the same effect of a laser tattoo removal. If I buy another tube, the eraser will probably strengthen but I'd rather spend the $135 elsewhere. After all, up to this point, the love handle stretch marks have kept me from committing two horrendous crimes: half shirts and tramp stamps.

SAY CHEESE

Some dimples are adorable: Cameron Diaz's cheeks; John Travolta's chin. Other dimples aren't. My thighs sport the non-adorable kind. The kind that smile big when I cross my legs or come anywhere within five feet of a swimsuit.

The fact the ripples don't form under fabric, like jersey dresses or Spanx, brings me hope. Perhaps it's not too late to de-dimple the thighs. Of course, I always thought that would be accomplished through diet and exercise but if beauty companies like Sisley want to give me a shortcut, it's only right to accept it. Celluli-Pro is an anti-cellulite body care cream. It costs $192 and, as beauty companies do, it claims a litany of exotic ingredients help to achieve its goal.

In this case, a rice peptide extract "coaches" the results on dimpled skin, bitter orange extract, butherbroom, arnica, caffeine and cedrol all combine efforts to diminish fat deposits. In case that doesn't convince consumers, a soy extract firms the skin and a "cocktail of moisturizing and skin-repair agents" like kokum and shea butters work with revitalizing properties such as rapeseed, sunflower and red palm oils to create "velvety soft skin texture."

Of all the products I used, this one showed results the fastest. It lost the results almost as fast. As soon as you finish applying it, skin looks firmer. A couple hours later, you're back to where you started. If you're OK with applying it six times a day, you very well could achieve a cottage cheese-free look. If not, diet and exercise await you. The product does come through on the "velvety soft" promise, however. You won't be able to take your hands off those dimples.

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

I don't know exactly how this product achieved what I thought was the unachievable, but it did. The catch is, that it's all just an illusion. Sovage Dermatologic Laboratories' Tummy Flattening Gel didn't actually flatten my tummy but it gave the illusion that it did. Confused? Imagine how I -- the owner of the tummy that looks flat but really isn't -- feel.

Of all the products I tested, I was most skeptical about this one. It seemed too lofty a promise. Where the other products carefully select their language use with words like "reduces," "minimizes" and "improves," this one skips all that and makes a guarantee with its name.

A few weeks into rubbing what smells like a medicine cabinet onto my stomach, there was a significant difference. I couldn't believe the sight, especially since I hadn't noticed a difference in the fit of my clothes. As I pulled up my pants that morning, I realized that Sovage had mastered just the right mix of ingredients to smooth out the appearance of the stomach without actually shrinking it. The skin firmed, loose areas tightened, jiggly parts stood still. But the circumference didn't change. Hey, I'll take the visual of a flat tummy over a jelly belly any day.

On the frequently asked questions included in the gel's packaging is an inquiry about how to help the Tummy Flattening Gel work faster. The answer says it all: Increase physical activity and/or decrease caloric intake.

A WRINKLE IN TIME

They say the best way to tell a woman's age in this cosmetic surgery world, is to check out her neck and hands. An even better bet, I've discovered over the years, is to scope out her cleavage. The number of wrinkles usually indicates each decade she's lived past 20-years-old. Mine is right on par with one, sad wrinkle.

This Works: Perfect Cleavage (another confident name) ensures it tightens, firms, plumps and reduces the fine lines and wrinkles in the cleavage. How? With the use of larch extract, pomegranate oil and rose, tonka bean and frankincense oils, of course.

I rubbed the cream on day and night for a month and a half and my one pathetic wrinkle hasn't budged.

This Works doesn't work.

Contact fashion reporter Xazmin Garza at xgarza@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0477.