How the Oakland A’s are following the ‘Major League’ script to Las Vegas

The A’s basically have been following the script of “Major League”: Keep trotting out a non-competitive team in hopes of getting a sweet new stadium in a tourist-friendly market.

If you recall, the 1989 comedy is kicked into motion when former Las Vegas showgirl Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton) inherits the Cleveland Indians, which she desperately wants to move to Miami.

“The stadium’s falling apart,” she complains. “We don’t draw dick. The weather’s lousy.”

But, Miami — that’s the promised land! New stadium, new luxury boxes, untold riches.

Of course, “Major League” was released four years before the Marlins arrived in Miami and ultimately had their own problems putting butts into seats.

Another of Phelps’ chief complaints: The Indians hadn’t won a pennant in 35 years.

There’s an out, though. The stadium lease contains a clause that if season attendance falls below 800,000, she can move the franchise. All she needs to do is field a team so miserable, fans stay away in droves.

By comparison, the A’s haven’t won a pennant in 32 years, a streak that doesn’t seem likely to end any time soon under billionaire owner John Fisher, and the team hasn’t drawn as many as 800,000 fans in a season since before COVID.

Also noteworthy is Indians GM Charlie Donovan’s (Charles Cyphers) incredulous reaction to Phelps’ plan: “What are you sayin’? You want us to lose?” Clearly, the idea of tanking wasn’t yet a universally recognized concept in 1989.

To achieve that goal, Phelps has Donovan assemble a roster filled with has-beens and never-weres.

The A’s haven’t exactly been scouting the California Penal League, but the team has developed a reputation for trading anyone with even a whiff of star power. The franchise’s most recent fire sale last spring shipped off first baseman Matt Olson and third baseman Matt Chapman, who combined to hit 61 home runs and drive in 179 runs for their new teams last season, as well as starting pitchers Sean Manaea and Chris Bassitt — all in the span of about two weeks.

According to the online contract resource Spotrac, Oakland’s active roster has just six players earning more than $20,000 over the league minimum. The team’s highest-paid player, shortstop Aledmys Diaz at $6.5 million, has a lower base salary than 222 major leaguers. He’d be the 15th highest-paid player on the Mets.

The A’s are no stranger to underspending, though. There’s an entire Oscar-nominated film — 2011’s “Moneyball,” which introduced the phrase “Academy Award nominee Jonah Hill” into the lexicon — dedicated to the team’s “frugality.”

But back to “Major League.”

The Indians saw their travel options reduced to a World War II-era DC-3 held together by duct tape. Then they were put on a beat-up bus.

Baseball’s collective bargaining agreement would never allow that sort of thing. But as recently as 2021, the A’s were caught feeding their minor leaguers “meals” that wouldn’t have felt out of place at Fyre Festival.

Then there’s the stadium.

It seemed over the top that the locker room at Cleveland’s Municipal Stadium would lose its hot water — whether that was orchestrated by Phelps or she just refused to pay to fix the problem.

Oakland’s RingCentral Coliseum, though, has taken stadium problems to a whole new level. Last May, a team official noted that, in addition to plumbing defects, the stadium had broken seats after every game, connectivity issues and infestations of moths and feral cats. At least one opossum has menaced the broadcast booths for nearly a year, and the smell alone was enough, earlier this month, to cause the Mets’ TV crew to flee.

You wouldn’t write that into a movie script, because no one would believe it.

In “Major League,” the owner’s plan is ultimately thwarted, as the players rally to win their division and keep the team in Cleveland.

Only time will tell if the A’s get their happy ending.

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com or 702-380-4567. Follow @life_onthecouch on Twitter.