Get ready for ‘White Trash X-Mas’

It's Vegas' greatest holiday tradition, loaded like a stocking stuffed with bricks.

This Saturday, "White Trash X-Mas" returns to the Double Down Saloon headlined by Sin City's most persistent and consistent sinners, punk antagonists/stand-up-comedy-team-with-guitars The Vermin.

How to describe the festivities?

In the past there's been free haircuts, free Spaghetti-Os, free insults and more! (And by "more," we mean cirrhosis.)

This year's bash takes place on Saturday night, giving you a couple of days to pregame.

To prepare for it all, you'll need a gallon drum of hooch and some suitably debauched Christmas jams to get you in the mood.

You hit the liquor store, and we'll provide the playlist for those on Santa's naughty list.

Here goes:

Rudy Ray Moore, "Merry Christmas, Baby": On this heavy-breathing soul come-on, Moore asks for a water bed for Christmas, and you know Santa's gonna bring Dolemite what he wants, or else St. Nick's cheeks are going to be rosy red not from the winter chill, but from repeated backhands to the grill.

G.G. Allin, "The Twelve Days of Christmas": Who needs mistletoe to catalyze a little holiday canoodling when you've got the golden-voiced G.G. Allin playing Cupid on this acoustic ditty that will bring a tear to your eye -- not because of the sentiment, but because of the stench.

King Diamond, "No Presents for Christmas": On which Mr. Diamond steals your Huffy from beneath the tree and gives it to Satan, who's currently doing ollies in hell.

Q: What are you gonna do about it?

A: Head bang.

Steel Panther, "Sexy Santa": Santa goes all P-90X on this Yuletide banger, spreading lots of holiday cheer (among other things). Did you see Mommy kissing Santa Claus? Sure it ended there?

Lemmy Kilmister, "Run Rudolph Run": Hey Rudolph, where you goin' in such a hurry?

Oh, wait, you're being chased by a 65-year-old who looks, sounds, smells and acts like an enraged yeti let loose in a topless buffet after subsiding solely on meth, Viagra and whiskey for a month ...

Keith Richards, "Run Rudolph Run": ... and a dude composed of more chemicals than a bottle of Clorox ...

Chuck Berry, "Run Rudolph Run": ...and a man for whom "water sports" involve neither water nor sports -- though goggles are still advised.

Yeah, we see your point there, guy.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476.