Getting a TV news job? Hey, no sweat
Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch.
(Complain, grouse, whine, for the Yiddish-impaired.)
Which is -- let's admit it -- fun, fun, fun.
Granted, as an outlet for media criticism, Mediaology at least strives for informed and reasonable kvetching. Clearly, critics can do what TV types do better than TV types can can't we? Launching a job search -- sorry, R-J -- let's scan these genuine help-wanted ads our TV news departments are circulating, demo reel at the ready.
Hunting for a new news reporter, KSNV-TV, Channel 3 wonders: "Do you know how to dig for a story? Can you work a beat and get stories nobody else does? If you practice journalism with a big 'J,' then this is an excellent opportunity. Send us your work and let's get this conversation started."
Other job requirements? Edit videotape? I can Scotch-tape stuff. That count?
Needed as well at News-3: Weekend morning anchor/reporter "with drive and creativity who knows how to turn stories that get noticed. We need to see ... a demo reel that screams enthusiasm, creativity and a nose for hard news." My resume screams lethargy, dullness and a nose with a deviated septum. Yes?
No sale, News-3? Your loss. Let's turn to KTNV-TV, Channel 13, those ACTION! newsies. Fishing for a new anchor/reporter also, they demand an applicant "anchor newscasts and report on a variety of subjects, write stories for broadcast, post stories and video on the Web, must also post on Facebook, Twitter, generate story ideas ... book guests for interview segments." Another must: "knowledge of libel laws." People want to sue me for libel. That's a plus ... isn't it?
Wanted as well: news producer. Skills: "Ability to work closely with others under deadline pressure ... able to create a show filled with great video, emotion and movement." Anything else? "Ability to handle multiple live shots." I shot someone multiple times once. ... Anything?
Oooh! Oooh! They want a "More" show producer at KVVU-TV, Channel 5. Duties: "Previews material before airing. Prepares interview segments. Selects graphics and pre-production elements. Coordinates and executes show in the control room." And? "Must have excellent boothing abilities for live broadcasts." Six girls and I once squeezed into a department store photo booth. ... Fine. Whatever.
You also need an assignment editor who can generate ideas by "listening to police scanners and discerning credible news tips." Well, I leave fabulous tips: More than 20 percent of the bill at Denny's. No? Forget it, chum. You don't deserve me.
Perhaps KLAS-TV, Channel 8 recognizes my talent and, frankly, genius as a general assignment reporter who's "an aggressive hard news journalist who knows how to develop lead stories and has exceptional live reporting skills." I had breakfast with George Knapp once, absorbing I-Team skills by osmosis over chocolate-chip pancakes and eggs, over-easy. Whaddaya say?
What about needing a newscast producer "who has that desire to win along with the enthusiasm and confidence to handle breaking news during high-pressure situations"? Well, I don't know if I can handle news that's breaking, but I could try repairing it if you've got a Phillips screwdriver, some bailing wire and Elmer's Glue. ... Oh, come on!
Know what? Skip it. I've got a good gig: Professional Kvetch.
Contact reporter Steve Bornfeld at sbornfeld@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0256
