Scrunchie Goes Scrunch

The Hair Scrunchie is dead. Long-time foe, Aqua Net, sprayed the once-trendy hair accessory repeatedly until she died of suffocation from the fumes. Fashion police are investigating the murder and have put Net behind bars, where many say he should have gone after committing such debatable fashion hair crimes as "wings" and teased bangs more than 20 years ago. Meanwhile, Scrunchie's fans mourn the tragic loss of a very flexible, carefree woman.

Scrunchie gained popularity shortly after her distant cousin, Banana Clip, passed away. Just as Clip provided her fans with a fun alternative to the sometimes mundane Pony Tail, Scrunchie did the same. Her fan base grew fast but her prime moment came when she was written into the movie "Heathers." Although she didn't have a speaking role, the close-ups of Scrunchie in a puffy red get-up and subtle references to her as a symbol of clique leadership were enough to put her in high demand. In the following years she made regular appearances on shows such as "Beverly Hills 90210" but her career began to fizzle in the mid-'90s.

Right around that time she became the unofficial staple hair accessory to cheerleaders. The regular appearances on ESPN2, some say, upset Scrunchie. She complained the yelling squads were ruining her image.

By the late '90s and into the early millennium Scrunchie was still trying to get the VIP status she once enjoyed years back. She was disappointed to learn the only appearances she was getting booked for were in dark, dusty corners of bathroom vanities. If that didn't tell Scrunchie her career was over, then an episode in season six of "Sex and the City" certainly did. Lead character Carrie Bradshaw questioned the fashion awareness of a character in a book for -- gasp! -- wearing Scrunchie out on the town.

Since then, Scrunchie had become a recluse, refusing to be seen in public, until two years ago when the fashion runways started showing a penchant for the '80s, that is. Scrunchie hoped it would mean her big return. Only problem: so did Aqua Net. Net and Scrunchie were long-time rivals from the day Scrunchie made her debut; the youthful hair accessory had provided women a way to do their hair without spending several minutes in front of the mirror with Net every morning. When Net heard Scrunchie was vying for a comeback, too, he went into a rampage, which sadly ended in the death of a hair tie legend. Scrunchie was robbed not only of her life as a comeback star, but of any life at all.

Rest in peace, Hair Scrunchie.