Idol Threat

For the gajillions of you who watch "American Idol" religiously -- that includes you, over there, who just looked up to make sure nobody is watching you read this story -- things are turning ugly.

Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old with the fluid hairstyles, teen idol looks and singing voice that would barely impress the barflies at the Dew Drop Inn's weekly karaoke night, is, as of this moment, still on the show.

Now, we're not going to jump on the bandwagon and make horrible, vicious sport of Sanjaya -- like Madonna, Cher and Screech, only the first name is necessary -- who actually seems like a nice kid.

We don't have to. The rest of America pretty much has that covered. Howard Stern. The guys at VoteForTheWorst.com. That strange woman on MySpace who vowed to go on a hunger strike until Sanjaya received the hook. (She failed.)

Millions of otherwise rational Americans who spend hours wallowing in disbelief that Sanjaya hasn't been banished to wherever it is the Bay City Rollers ended up.

Why does Sanjaya tick off such a massive chunk of "American Idol" fandom? Begin with the obvious: He's not a strong enough singer to have landed such a high-profile gig.

Nancy Andersen, voice teacher at the Las Vegas Academy of International Studies, Performing and Visual Arts, doesn't watch "American Idol" -- "Some people can watch it and think it's so funny," she explains. "I'm like, 'OK, that's just painful. We need to turn that off.' " -- but agreed to subject herself to Sanjayamania via YouTube.

Her verdict? "I think he's very charismatic," she begins in that sweet way nice teachers have of prefacing criticism with a compliment. "He definitely has a look going."

But, Andersen continues: "I kept feeling like he was going to sing off-tune. He never did go off-tune, but I kept expecting him to. He was almost right on the edge."

In addition, during Sanjaya's neutering of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me" two weeks ago, "he was singing really hard on his (vocal cords), that growling sound he makes, and that's really hard on your voice from the three minutes I heard him sing," Andersen says.

"I don't know if he could sustain a career on that. His speaking voice and the size that he is -- he's fairly thin -- it seems he's too light to sustain a sound that hard."

So maybe Sanjaya's just not a singer. Maybe he's more the teen idol-type, a notion reinforced a few weeks ago when the camera kept cutting to that teenage girl who cried uncontrollably while Sanjaya pretended to be a rock star.

Leesa Coble, editor-in-chief of Tiger Beat and BOP magazines, says Sanjaya does "represent at least what some younger people are feeling," even if adults -- or fans who, silly them, focus only on talent -- don't see it.

"What they're missing is he has a great appeal to him," Coble says. "He has a megawatt smile. He just kills you when he smiles. He's adorable, and he definitely has this sort of '70s sort of cover boy appeal to him that is working, obviously."

But Coble isn't saving space on Tiger Beat's cover for Sanjaya just yet.

"He does need to develop as a singer. That's sort of a given," she says. "Looks don't sell records. You have to have the sound, you have to have marketability in terms of your music."

In fact, Tiger Beat/BOP's online poll last week placed Blake Lewis as readers' favorite "American Idol" contestant. Sanjaya "definitely has appeal," Coble says, "but he's going to have to go beyond that."

Right now, Coble notes, "he's really polarizing people."

"I think he's awful," offers Holly Silvestri, president of Impress Communications and an "Idol" watcher since season one. "When you compare him to some of the other talents on the show, he's terrible, and I cannot figure out why he continues to be on the show.

"Like fingers on a blackboard," agrees Jack Chappell, director of community relations for Nevada Public Radio, who concedes that he watches Sanjaya's performances anyway.

Why? For the same reason passers-by gawk at traffic accidents, he says: "Morbid curiosity and a perverse pleasure in seeing somebody make an ass of themselves in front of millions of people."

So count April Augustine-Thomas as part of a persecuted minority.

"I actually like him. I know this is strange," says Augustine-Thomas, systems marketing manager for Bally Technologies.

"When he sings, I think at first you're, like, 'Well, he's all right. His look is definitely interesting.' That's what intrigues you as you watch him."

Then, she says, "just when you're ready to blow him off, he'll end on this tremendous note or throw in some note that makes you say, 'Oh, that's pretty interesting.' You can definitely tell there's something there, and he does have some vocal ability. But he's just not showcasing all of it."

"It's funny, because I think a lot of the other singers have powerhouse voices," Augustine-Thomas says. "But I think you also need to have something in addition to those voices. It's supposed to be the whole package."

And that could be where Sanjaya hits a home run. It's not called "America's Most Technically Proficient Singer," you know, and there's nothing about the word "Idol" that implies actual skill.

Tod Fitzpatrick understands. Fitzpatrick, an assistant professor of music and a voice teacher at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, considers "American Idol" -- which he watches "occasionally" -- "pure entertainment."

"From a purely entertainment standpoint, (Sanjaya) makes the show more interesting because, obviously, people are talking about it," he says.

Come to think of it, maybe we're all just being played here. Jasen Woehrle, a public relations specialist at The Firm, notes that some sort of "Idol" controversy -- Frenchie Davis' sexy photos, Paula Abdul's alleged extracurriculars with a contestant -- coincidentally arises every season.

"I think the show has thrived on that stuff," Woehrle says. "They have found that controversy works for them.

"Having watched the show and the evolution of it, I believe it used to be a lot more innocent. Now, I believe they kind of do have to do stuff to keep it more interesting instead of just making it a talent competition."

"My own theory is they'll keep (Sanjaya) around as long as they need to," Woehrle says.

"It's my guess that the producers absolutely have a hand in deciding who goes. That's just my own personal feeling. But it doesn't destroy the entertainment value the show creates for me."

So dial it back a notch, Sanjaya haters. Take a deep breath. Think of your Happy Place. Then tell us: Just what exactly were you doing when you were 17?

"I think this young man has got a lot of guts," Andersen says. "He's 17 and you're putting your talent onstage and saying, 'OK, tell me what you think.' He did that, and right there is one of the qualities someone has to have to survive in a public business: You have to be willing to say, 'I don't care what you're thinking.'

"I'd be interested to see this young man three years from now, when he's 20 and has kept on singing. I think he has incredible charisma. He obviously knows how to work the song."

Sanjaya, Coble agrees, is "a normal kid who's gotten this enormous opportunity and he's running with it, and good for him for sticking it out.

"Is he the best singer in the competition? I don't think so. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have his place."

Besides, didn't Simon Cowell vow he would quit if Sanjaya wins? Talk about your silver linings ...