STEVEN KALAS: Sometimes the fight must continue even if we may not win

I wanted to write you about your article "Between enough and too much lies sweet, essential balance" (Las Vegas Review-Journal, July 15). It really made me think. But something I just cannot reckon within myself is where you said that we need enough anger to move us, enough to challenge injustice and evil, to protect ourselves and others from exploitation and abuse.

I am in the midst of a three-year battle trying to stop the elder financial exploitation of my 83-year-old father. My mom passed away 10 years ago and I am an only child. Three years ago I was called by my dad's physicians in California. They were concerned that he would be taken advantage of. They told me I needed to do something. Those words were the beginning of my hell.

California has probably the best laws on the books against elder abuse. And yet what I uncovered was the calculated hemorrhaging of my parents' life savings by my dad's girlfriend, my dad's CPA and the attorney that was brought in to change all of the accounts. I have been unable to stop it. No matter who I call, or who I write to, it continues.

I have spent over $100,000, my entire life savings, on an attorney to try to stop this, and it continues. I can imagine that you can picture the anger and hatred I have because of this. I have challenged injustice and evil, trying to protect my father from exploitation and abuse. And yet, I have been thwarted.

I question whether there really is justice in this world. I do not want to become so angry and bitter with this, so consumed, that I cannot enjoy my life. Any suggestions? - P.H., Las Vegas

What the column didn't say, I'll say now.

We are finite. Said another way, we are not God. Said still another way, sometimes the bad guys win. I hate that this is true. But it's true.

In 1928, the Methodist Church in Korea crafted The Korean Creed. Its affirmations include, "We believe in the final triumph of righteousness." Every time I read it, the word "final" jumps out and smacks me in the face. It's fine to say that, when the Kingdom comes, it will all make sense and the good guys will win. But you and I live between today and that day. In the meantime, righteousness regularly takes it on the chin. This is part and parcel of the human experience.

The Jews lived/live with the same theological tension. As the Hebrews headed to exile, their land and way of life in ruins, the prophet Isaiah encourages them with these words: "A shoot shall come out of the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots." Again, good to hear. But it doesn't change the fact that the tree of Jesse was cut down. And many of the folks abiding gloriously in the branches would never see Israel again.

Didn't mean to go on a religious tear. My point was more that, for even those who trust deeply in life's meaning and goodness, or for those who trust a loving Creator to set things right, it's a "big picture" hope. An eschatological hope. But, in the day to day, sometimes the bad guys win.

Is there really justice in the world? Sometimes. But whether there is or isn't, what doesn't change is our freedom to decide how we shall live. We can join the folks who have given up ... or we can keep fighting, even knowing we will certainly lose some of the wars.

The reason to keep fighting is not measured by wins and losses. It's measured by meaning, integrity and self-respect. It's being able to say, "Count me on the side of truth, justice and what's right, even and especially when that ship is sinking in flames." The only sure reward for living with integrity is ... you get to have integrity.

Now, philosophizing aside, a question for you: Have you talked to your father? Can you? Or shall I assume that he is not legally and perhaps not interpersonally competent? If so, was he competent when he entrusted himself to this girlfriend, CPA and lawyer? Do you believe your father was culpably naive to entrust these people? Do you believe he was irresponsible not to do a better job to legally protect his estate? Or is your view of him as a complete innocent, swindled wholesale by the bad guys? These questions might matter in terms of what you will ultimately do with your outrage.

Is it time to surrender, P.H.? To redirect your passions to more salvageable causes? Or is this one of those fights worth "dying" for?

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Las Vegas Psychiatry and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns also appear on Sundays in the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Contact him at 227-4165 or skalas@reviewjournal.com.