Welcome to Las Vegas? Not from the McCarran traffic officers

First impressions are essential, especially in a tourist town. The folks at McCarran International Airport obviously know this.

That is why "Welcome to Las Vegas!" signs greet passengers. They offer slot machines so that tourists who can't wait aren't unnecessarily tortured until they reach the casino. Sleek limousines await some with smartly dressed drivers hoisting cards carrying special visitors' names.

It's Las Vegas and we love our visitors!

This is how it goes unless, say, the tourist must be picked up by a friend in a private vehicle. Then sometimes they don't appear to be big fans of tourists.

In theory, the officers controlling traffic through the passenger pick-up corridor should be part of the team of pleasant ambassadors. In reality, at least some in the crew are not. For example, calling a luggage-toting visitor a name that ends in "hole" and doesn't begin with "pie" is not a greeting expected in a tourist-loving town.

A woman was trying to reach her host in the parking garage. The officer's job is to get her there safely. Maybe she was rude -- who knows, I didn't hear her say anything. It doesn't matter; these "ambassadors" should be trained to be professional. We all deal with inappropriate people, and most of us are taught to rise above it. These guys apparently are not.

Drunk with authority? I'd say these enforcement officers are wasted, one ticket away from a Lindsey Lohan-esque topple to the pavement.

This all happened on a Saturday night, one, I might add, that was not busy.

Locals like myself were checking the sidewalk to see if our guests had arrived. I learned this is highly unacceptable behavior. We are expected to be equipped with guest-sensing, laserlike technology to scan the walkway, log the data in our built-in facial recognition system and calculate the precise coordinates of our passenger.

Maybe you need a lobotomy if this cannot be done in three-quarters of a second.

Look, most of us get it, keep it moving.

Clearly officers are needed to keep traffic flowing; otherwise plenty of motorists would camp out along the curb similar to the way passengers crowd against the baggage carousel preventing others from grabbing their luggage. My point is, it can be done without treating people like they are criminals.

Seriously, what are you supposed to do if a vehicle in front of you stops to load luggage and passengers? Vaporize your car, slip into the tailpipe and out the radiator? Obviously, this is what the uniformed guy expected of me, because with traffic filtering through, no other option was available.

He barked and clearly was unappreciative of my smart-aleck comment, which was, "I think my guest is waiting just ahead."

Simple questions to airport authorities related to the training of these officers triggered an in-depth investigation into my visit to the airport Saturday. I received a detailed time-stamped-to-the-second account of where my car was positioned that evening. They noted that the officer was at my window for 12 seconds.

"Unfortunately, there is no audio available, so at the moment all we have is your word that he was rude and unprofessional," spokesman Chris Jones said.

That is unfortunate, because gestures don't tell the whole story. Jones said people don't like to be told to move and become defensive. That might be true, but if they are asked respectfully, their response might be surprisingly different.

The final result of the investigation is that I was in the wrong because two cars had stopped near me. I sincerely hope that if any of you ever complain about rude traffic attendants, the same detailed and lengthy probe would be launched by airport officials.

And the answer to my initial question is, yes, they receive customer service training as well as "written guidance" related to dealing with customers.

The airport helped create this situation when it introduced the express pay system at the parking garage. No longer can motorists feed the parking meter and wait for guests.

Airport executives did away with the meters after complaining that drivers "double-dipped" when they drove around and found spots with time remaining. It is still unclear why this is considered double-dipping, because someone fed the meter.

Anyway, here is a helpful tip not openly advertised at the airport: You are permitted to park in the garage across from passenger pickup for up to 15 minutes without being charged. This is only the case if you swipe your ticket at the gate exiting the garage, not the kiosks near the elevators.

So, if your guest has landed and is on the way outside, pop into the garage and exit in 10 minutes, drive around and scoop up the passenger. If the guest has yet to arrive, repeat as needed.

If the airport would add cellphone parking areas, this mess could be averted. These are convenient for obvious reasons: The motorist pulls into the lot and awaits a phone call informing them of their passenger's arrival. Zip up to the curb, load your guest and you are out of there.

Representatives said there is no room to provide such a waiting lot, but I am beginning to think that is a crock.

Leave passenger pick-up and circle around to return to the area. What you will see are a handful of motorists who have pulled onto the left shoulder of that road creating, I'm assuming, their own cellphone lot.

Who can blame them? The wannabe cops aren't barking at these scofflaws, they're busy harassing us, the locals who have the nerve to search for our guests in a perfectly legal manner.

If you have a question, tip or tirade, call Adrienne Packer at 702-387-2904, or send an email to roadwarrior@ reviewjournal.com. Include your phone number.