Here’s your Super Bowl drinking game

It’s here. That day of the year football fans have been trying to turn into a national holiday for ages: the Super Bowl.

The New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks promise to be an interesting matchup: possible ball deflaters vs. the defending champions.

So, grab a drink, head to the couch and join us for your 2015 Super Bowl drinking game.*

*We in no way condone binge drinking. Switch to water when you need to. And, as always, never drink and drive.

The location

• Every time someone says they wish they were in Phoenix because at least it’s warm there, take a drink. Then take another drink because in six months, they’ll be saying how horrible it must be to live in Phoenix.
• Drink every time the camera cuts to a tight shot of a cactus. Take a shot if someone accidentally slips in file footage of a Joshua tree, because that doesn’t even go here.
• If someone at your party asks where Phoenix is, take a shot and kick them out of your house.

The people

• Drink every time someone mentions that Russell Wilson is under 6 feet tall, like you’ve never heard that before.
• Finish someone else’s drink and say you don’t know how it happened every time Deflategate, air pressure or underinflated balls get mentioned.
• If someone makes a dirty joke about Deflategate, take a drink.
• Seattle fans are loud. We get it. They’ve trademarked the “12th man.” We also get that. Drink twice when you’re reminded.
• Drink throughout any highlights shown of Tom Brady’s previous Super Bowl appearances.
• Someone says Tom Brady is overrated — take a drink.
• Take a drink every time the camera zooms in on Gisele Bundchen. Take another if someone comments on it.
• Take a drink every time someone mentions Beast Mode. For extra points, finish your drink and crush the can against your head. Don’t do this with a bottle.
• Take a drink when someone at your house references “I’m only here so I don’t get fined.” Send them out for more beer and make them pay for it.

The game

• If a team misses the extra point, finish your drink between screams of “NEVER TRUST A KICKER!”
• Every time someone argues for going for the two-point conversion, take a drink.
• If they go for the two-point conversion and fail, pour your drink down the sink.

The entertainment

• Drink through GoDaddy’s ad while crying for the future.
• Take a drink whenever an ad is boring, and reminisce about the “good ol’ days.”
• Drink if someone says “Bruno Mars was better,” then despair about how someone you like never performs at halftime.
• Take a drink if someone mentions Katy Perry’s feud with Taylor Swift.
• And, finally, finish your drink if Katy Perry takes a shot a Taylor Swift, then find a soccer match to watch.