BATTLE OF THE ALUMNI: More than basketball defines Sweet 16

It's interesting how most college basketball programs define a successful NCAA Tournament.

Imagine being stranded on a lifeboat in the Pacific, no means of communication with others, doing anything to remain alive. This is how teams think of the first two NCAA games.

Find. Any. Way. To. Survive.

Imagine lounging on a cruise ship, sipping from drinks with pink umbrellas and realizing that anything beyond your current state would be considered momentous but that failing to improve your situation doesn't erase a productive effort.

This is how teams think of the Sweet 16.

Everything. From. This. Point. On. Is. Gravy.

I judge things differently. Today, I'm all about the alumni, about which school in each regional semifinal matchup has had the most interesting folks strolling its halls.

And the winners are ...

EAST

No. 1 Ohio State vs. No. 4 Kentucky

The Buckeyes: As you might expect, there is a long list of distinguished people with admirable careers in law and politics and business and academia. As you might expect, we are more impressed with Vince Doria, vice president at ESPN and director of "SportsCenter."

The Wildcats: Ashley Judd. She studied French. Enough said.

Projected winner based on alumni: Ohio State in triple overtime. Yep. That's how close sports highlights of the night are to watching "High Crimes," for the 20th time.

No. 2 North Carolina vs. No. 11 Marquette

The Tar Heels: That James K. Polk fellow had a good run, but no one tops Michael Jordan.

The Golden Eagles: Chris Farley and William Gates, the latter not being the gazillionaire but rather a subject of the terrific documentary "Hoop Dreams."

Projected winner based on alumni: North Carolina. Tough to pick against "Tommy Boy," but this is a column on basketball, and we're talking the greatest ever to lace up a pair of sneakers.

WEST

No. 2 San Diego State vs. No. 3 Connecticut

The Aztecs: You want versatility from my alma mater? Try sports (Marshall Faulk), acting (Raquel Welch), comedy (voice of Marge Simpson), fish taco experts (Ralph Rubio), mascots (San Diego Chicken) and al-Qaeda leaders (Anwar al-Awlaki). We've got it all!

The Huskies: Sure, there are your standard college presidents and astronauts and even the first prime minister of Turkey, but I stopped researching when seeing the name Meg Ryan. I admittedly watched way too many 1990s chick flicks.

Projected winner based on alumni. UConn. It hurts to type, but I'm pretty sure the terrorist guy eliminates my Aztecs based on bad form.

No. 1 Duke vs. No. 5 Arizona

The Blue Devils: Nobel laureates. Heads of State. White House staff and cabinet members. Members of Congress. Diplomats. Military leaders. Professional athletes. Activists. CEOs by the dozens.

The Wildcats: Don Knotts.

Projected winner based on alumni: Arizona. Why would I watch "All the President's Men," about a certain Duke alum (Richard Nixon) when I can enjoy reruns of Barney Fife?

SOUTHWEST

No. 1 Kansas vs. No. 12 Richmond

The Jayhawks: James Naismith. OK, so Dr. Jim went to college in Montreal, but he founded the Jayhawks' basketball program, was the school's athletic director and did a little something like invent the game and write its rules. Tough resume to beat this time of year.

The Spiders: They might have a chance if it were Tobey Maguire in a red suit playing. But unless Richmond alum and former Miller Brewing president William Howell can get Kansas players drunk by replacing their water with suds, I'm thinking this version of Cinderella is toast.

Projected winner based on alumni: Kansas

No. 10 Florida State vs. No. 11 Virginia Commonwealth

The Seminoles: Stephanie Abrams. Think Google images. She is proof no one watches the Weather Channel for weather updates.

The Rams: If the defense isn't working, they can always position the heavy metal band/VCU alumni Lamb of God next to FSU's bench and have it play each time a Seminole rises to shoot.

Projected winner based on alumni: Florida State. In a bright and sunny manner.

SOUTHEAST

No. 4 Wisconsin vs. No. 8 Butler

The Badgers: There are several hundred names listed under the category of Law and Politics, but what really makes Wisconsin stand out is David George. The dude invented SpaghettiOs. Parents rejoice everywhere.

The Bulldogs: Kurt Vonnegut. He attended the school and yet only received an honorary degree years later, but we'll give a pass to one of the most influential writers of the 20th century.

Projected winner based on alumni: Butler. Billy Pilgrim beats Mr. SpaghettiOs every day and then some.

No. 2 Florida vs. No. 3 Brigham Young

The Gators: The school has produced more federal judges and CEOs than there is swampland in Gainesville, but I'm more impressed with Jim Allchin. He developed the Microsoft Operating System. This is called having a good day.

The Cougars: A strong field, considering the guy who produced "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Jeopardy" star Ken Jennings attended school in Provo. Used to be, Mitt Romney was the most famous first-name alumnus. Soon, it will be Jimmer.

Projected winner based on alumni: BYU. Kip: "Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter." Even the Microsoft genius can't compete with that brilliance.

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ed Graney can be reached at egraney@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-4618. He can be heard from 3 to 5 p.m. Monday and Thursday on "Monsters of the Midday," Fox Sports Radio 920 AM. Follow him on Twitter: @edgraney.