Saints’ Payton unlikely to meet terms of suspension

They say one advantage of a cold turkey attempt when trying to kick an addiction is that by not actively using supplemental methods, the person avoids thinking about the habit and its temptation.

Yeah. Somehow, I don't think that's going to work for Sean Payton.

I have to believe TMZ already has sent a camera crew to New Orleans, scouting out its customary bushes to hide behind in hopes Payton might have the gumption to wave at a Saints player walking out of Cafe Du Monde. We are a wink or a smile away from beignet-gate.

In the case of Payton's season-long suspension from the NFL for his role in the team's bounty program, the league essentially has demanded Slash not strum one chord on his guitar or Wolfgang Puck not prepare a single meal for the next nine months.

That's what football means to Payton.

That's how difficult this will be for him to pull off.

The suspension began Monday and ends the day following the Super Bowl in February, so you can imagine the type of party Payton will throw for that game. Ironically, it will be played in his city and at the stadium in which his team performs its go-for-the-head defense.

What if the Saints would advance to the game of Roman numerals and Payton watched from home? Talk about the potential for flying guacamole. I'm guessing that placing bets on the squares grid won't be the day's highlight.

I suppose this makes sense, that if you're going to ban a coach from the league for initially lying about the bounties and instructing his defensive assistants to do the same, you have to go all-in. Once you allow for leeway, you might as well hand Payton a whistle and point him toward the practice field.

But to think the directive from commissioner Roger Goodell will be followed to the snap - that Payton has absolutely no contact with coaches, players, members of the Saints' organization or any across the NFL - has as much chance of succeeding as Drew Brees failing to throw for 300 yards in any game all season.

Coaches are a selfish, egotistical, single-minded bunch. They're creatures of extreme habits, of wanting things done their way. They live, eat, sleep, breathe the game and discussing it with others in it.

Payton owns a beach house in Florida. New Orleans general manager Mickey Loomis owns one a mile up the sand. If the two cross paths at all, Payton has been instructed to notify league executive Ray Anderson within 24 hours and provide documentation about the encounter.

"Ray, Sean here. Just saw Mickey. He's having salmon for dinner. It's orange. I'll have him send pictures. Thanks."

This has no chance of working.

There are ultra-arrogant types in the NFL, and there is Payton. If the league believes he can go nine minutes, never mind nine months, without having some sort of contact with Brees or his assistant coaches now in charge of running the team, it's delusional.

Goodell might not find out, but it will happen.

Payton's suspension prohibits him from direct or indirect communication with any employee of 32 NFL teams. He can't gain information or pass on ideas through third parties. He can't have any form of telephone or electronic contact. He can't be present in a league facility or stadium or office unless approved by Goodell.

He essentially can't say one word to those who, outside his immediate family, have been his entire world for years. Can't wish any of them "Happy Birthday." Can't inquire what any are buying their children for Christmas.

Too harsh?

Not really. Concessions in this matter ultimately would have painted the suspension weak. The more contact Payton was allowed, the more influence he would have provided.

I just don't think he can stay away.

He has a wife and two children, so I'm not sure my idea about him spending the next nine months with chimps on Ngamba Island would go over too well at home, but I'm also thinking Mrs. Payton might purchase him a one-way ticket to the nearest African jungle after several weeks of this cold turkey experiment.

I was in New Orleans for the Final Four recently, and you couldn't stroll past a store without seeing "FREE PAYTON" T-shirts hanging in the window.

The people there adore him. They would do anything for him.

You would think the locals already have arranged for secret midnight meetings between Payton and Brees somewhere along the Manchac Swamp Bridge, a 23-mile stretch thought to be haunted by an imprisoned voodoo queen who cast a curse on the area around the turn of the last century.

Let's see Goodell follow Payton in there.

I'm not sure even TMZ would.

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ed Graney can be reached at egraney@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-4618. He can be heard from noon to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday on "Gridlock," ESPN 1100 and 98.9 FM. Follow him on Twitter: @edgraney.