Announcers can’t make pond hockey match sound like must-see TV

Before Saturday’s ABC telecast of the NHL All-Star Game, Sean McDonough’s career highlights were calling Joe Carter’s 1993 World Series-ending home run, Connecticut’s buzzer-beating basket against Washington during 1998’s March Madness, and getting caught on Kiss Cam with broadcast partners Bill Raftery and Jay Bilas at a Syracuse game.

After Saturday’s telecast, those are still his career highlights.

Next to the goalies and beer vendors, the TV announcers probably have the most difficult assignment during hockey’s All-Star Game. It’s up to them to make the equivalent of a pond hockey match sound like must-see TV.

“The first goal ever by a Seattle Kraken in an All-Star Game!” McDonough exclaimed after Jordan Eberle lit the red light after one of the 31 goals.

Where’s Kiss Cam when you need it?

A look at some of the other highlights, or the closest thing to them, from Saturday’s telecast:

■ Best nod to Las Vegas (or a Las Vegas resident): McDonough, during the aerial shot of T-Mobile Arena that opened the broadcast: “As a broadcasting legend who still lives in the city would say, you are looking live at T-Mobile Arena …” Unlike most of the players, the homage to Brent Musburger needed no introduction.

■ Best visual: Tie between the overhead camera showing Brady Tkachuk clearing a puck just before it was to cross the line for a goal, and Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Tyreek Hill shotgunning two giant cans of beer simultaneously during the game’s only celebrity interview.

■ Best visual, honorable mention: Studio host Steve Levy’s striped socks.

■ First (and most predictable) Las Vegas gambling reference: McDonough, after actor and St. Louis Blues fan Jon Hamm’s opening montage voiceover: “The winning team will split $1 million; that’s a nice jackpot to take home …”

■ Did you notice: That after public address announcer Al Murdoch asked those in attendance to remove their hats for the singing of the national anthems, Blanco Brown, who sang the American one, failed to remove his?

■ (But, really, is that any less respectful than Las Vegas hockey fans shouting “KNIGHTS!” during “The Star-Spangled Banner,” which, unless he was wearing a Jonathan Marchessault jersey when bombs were bursting in air over Fort McHenry, is probably not what Francis Scott Key had in mind when he wrote it?)

■ McDonough observation that best characterized the game: “It’s a 3-on-0 for the Central …”

■ Best question asked of a Golden Knights representative: Inside-the-glass reporter Emily Kaplan, to Pacific Division and VGK coach Pete DeBoer: “They have two defensemen and you only have one; is that going to put you at a disadvantage?” (Kaplan was wearing a virus mask, but you could tell from her eyes she was smiling.)

■ Something analyst Ray Ferraro said that I wrote down: “Hey, hey, we got an offside, look at that.”

■ Most profound insight by a player miked for sound: “Aah, aah, aah, aah (followed by heavy breathing).” — Zach Werenski, struggling to keep pace with speedster Connor McDavid on a breakaway.

■ Best use of Wikipedia and/or a research department: McDonough, noting that Jake Guentzel was the first NHL All-Star born in Nebraska.

■ Best snark: Studio host Mark Messier, an old-time hockey guy if ever there was one, on the lack of pace and intensity: “After watching that first game, I think it gives everybody permission to try a little harder.”

■ Last word on the All-Star Game that probably went unheeded by those viewing at home: McDonough, during a sign-off that was faster than anything on the ice because Machine Gun Kelly refused to stop singing following the second intermission and the game ran over its allotted time: “Tune in to ESPN+ for the check presentation to the winning team.”

Contact Ron Kantowski at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352. Follow @ronkantowski on Twitter.