Let’s learn about our new MWC pals from ‘Boy-zee’

According to the Boise, Idaho, Yellow Pages, there is no Hook and Lateral Bar and Grill there. No Hook and Lateral Body Shop. Nary a florist, nail salon, real estate agency or pest control service containing the words "hook" or "lateral."

Seems like a wasted business opportunity.

But if you bleed blue and orange, perhaps that would be sacrilege. Like using Chris Petersen's name in vain, or spelling "potato" with an "e." Maybe those words should only resonate in the hearts of every Idahoan, and on ESPN Classic.

They now exist in the Mountain West Conference vernacular, for which Rebels fans --- and Cowboys fans and Lobos fans and Aztecs fans, et al. -- should rejoice. At least until football season, 2011.

But if your knowledge of the MWC's newest arrival begins with blue field turf and ends with Statue of Liberty plays in the Fiesta Bowl, here's a primer to see you through until the next time the Broncos shock the world with audacious football plays drawn up on cocktail napkins during Capital One Bowl Week:

■ If you are Idaho born and raised, it's "Boy-see" State. If you're from somewhere else, it's "Boy-zee" State. If you're from Oklahoma, it's "Those Damn Potato Farmers With Their Flea-Flickers."

■ ESPN's Chris Berman has referred to the Broncos' playing field as "the blue plastic tundra." If a goose or a flying wedge or some other winged creature indigenous to Idaho smacked his head on blue plastic tundra, mistaking it for water, it would probably hurt. Despite the myth, it has never happened.

■ Boise State doesn't have a long list of famous alums who don't play sports. Troy McClain of "The Apprentice" chose to attend Boise State when Donald Trump offered a full ride to his school of choice, proof that an Ivy League education is overrated.

■ The Albertsons Library on the BSU campus is named for the grocery store people. When a librarian's assistant dumps from the shelf the collective works of Charles Dickens and Alfred, Lord Tennyson in the Victorian Period section, it would be cool if a voice on the public-address system said, "Clean-up on Aisle 6," because libraries are usually humorless places.

■ UNLV and Boise State have something in common besides their wildly successful football programs. (Oh, cognitive processes still working, are they?) Football coach Tony Knap is a member of both schools' halls of fame.

■ Exhibit A: Boise State plays Fresno State in "The Battle of the Milk Can" in football. Exhibit B: "Boise State is not a university rich with tradition ..." says the official BSU Alumni Association website.

■ The Boise State basketball team plays at Taco Bell Arena. On weekends, the drive-thru window is open 'til 2 a.m.

■ Taco Bell Arena has hosted first- or second-round NCAA Tournament games eight times. Remember when UCLA's Tyus Edney dribbled the length of the court to sink that celebrated buzzer-beating basket against Missouri in 1995? That was seriously outside the bun.

■ Besides its Thanksgiving-dinner-with-all-the-trimmings football program, Boise State also brings the 2009-10 WAC Commissioner's Cup for overall athletic excellence to the Mountain West table. Since 1968, BSU has won 15 conference titles in football, seven in basketball. It hasn't played baseball since 1980, partly because Taco Bell Arena sits in right field of the old diamond. And partly because in January, when practice starts, the average high temperature in Boise is 36.7 degrees.

■ Boise State's Harvey Neff Maneline Dancers, fresh off their appearance on the "Captain and Tennille" show, won the 2009 national championship in the hip-hop category. Conclusion: The dance squads from the Southwest Athletic Conference must have been busy that weekend.

■ The past two Boise State men's basketball coaches have been fired. The new one is Leon Rice, the former Gonzaga assistant. Expectations are modest. It has been suggested Rice could build a fan base simply by shouting at the officials. Wrote Nick Jezierny of the Idaho Statesman: "For some reason, fans here like when the head coach gets a technical foul."

■ The official Boise State mascot is a brown horse with a large head called Buster Bronco. Meanwhile, Spuds MacKenzie is still looking for work.

■ Boise State is primarily a commuter school, with 18,936 students. The university motto, with all respect due Lynyrd Skynyrd, is not "It's 8 o'clock in Boise, Idaho. I'll find my limo driver, Mister, take us to the show." It's "Splendor Without End."

■ That may explain why "one of the crew had a go with one of the guests."

Las Vegas Review-Journal columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352.