Palminteri weaves terrific ‘Bronx Bombers Tale,’ too

This could only happen in Las Vegas.

Me, Vinny, Bobby Lambchops, one of the basketball-playing Othick brothers and Chazz Palminteri -- you know, The Usual Suspects (you could see that coming from here to Yonkers) -- are sitting in a booth at Lagasse's Stadium at The Palazzo, watching the Yankees play the Twins in the baseball playoffs, when Palminteri, the biggest Bombers fan this side of Billy Crystal, grows frustrated over the way the home-plate umpire is calling balls and strikes when CC Sabathia is pitching.

"This guy, John Hirschbeck, has a real tight strike zone," Palminteri says, affecting his best Sonny LoSpecchio tough-guy voice, which is to say his own voice.

He's not angry, not yet. He's just stating what he believes to be fact. Although Roberto Alomar might disagree.

But after three more innings of this, Palminteri is angry. Or he's acting like he's angry. I mean, he's so good at what he does, who can tell? The Academy Award-nominated actor calls one of the umpire's hunting buddies, a mutual friend known only as Dean, and threatens to go Sonny LoSpecchio on Hirschbeck in "Bronx Tale II" if Hirschbeck doesn't start giving Sabathia the letter-high strike. This is more or less the message he leaves on Dean's voice mail, only with a bunch of effin' thises and effin' thats.

The side is barely retired when Palminteri's Blackberry vibrates. It's this guy, Dean. The actor repeats the message he left on the answering machine, with a few more effin' thises and effin' thats.

There is a pregnant pause that would do The Octomom proud.

This is the part where Dean tells Chazz his umpire pal is in Philadelphia -- not Minnesota -- and was behind the plate for Roy Halladay's no-hitter not more than two hours earlier.

Oh.

"Tell John I'm really sorry," Palminteri says earnestly.

As I said, this could only happen in Las Vegas. Or possibly in Yonkers.

In fact, were it not for Yonkers, I wouldn't have been sitting there watching an umpire who looks like John Hirschbeck squeezing the strike zone on CC Sabathia.

Last year, Palminteri starred in a movie called "Yonkers Joe" produced by Trent Othick, his partner John Gaughan and Othick's brother Matt, the one who hit all those 3s for Lute Olson down at Arizona. Vinny is Vinny Magliulo, the former Caesars Palace oddsmaker. Bobby Lambchops is a former New York City cop and doo-wop singer. He could have been in ABC's "Cop Rock" had it not been canceled after, like, one episode, and had he not become Palminteri's assistant.

Me? I was just mindin' my own business. No "Bullets Over Broadway" for this scribe.

I think they were hoping I would mention Palminteri is currently starring in the one-man show he created, the critically acclaimed stage version of "A Bronx Tale," running through Oct. 18 at the Venetian Showroom. Although they didn't mention my name in context of the East River, I thought I would plug the Venetian gig, because it's never a good idea to get sideways with a guy named Bobby Lambchops regardless of what side of the law he's on.

Magliulo knows I'm a big baseball guy, which is the way he described Palminteri. I could tell. The first thing the actor said, before we even shook hands, is how he hates "these effin' short series." This, of course, was after the Yanks had fallen behind Minnesota early in Game 1.

He said his father -- a New York bus driver, the inspiration for Robert De Niro's character in "A Bronx Tale" -- took him to his first Yankees game when he was 5. Initial impression: "I couldn't believe how green that field was."

Palminteri spoke of his admiration for Mickey Mantle, his disdain for the Mets, his dog named "Keyser Soze" and that he keeps a tiny television in his pantry, for when the Yankees are involved in a tight game that he can't bear to watch on the big screen in the company of The Usual Suspects.

"When Aaron Boone hit that home run, I was in the pantry," he said, recalling Game 7 of the epic 2003 American League Championship Series against the Red Sox.

For those scoring at home, Jerry Crawford was the home-plate umpire for Game 1 of the Yankees-Twins series. He's fortunate that Chazz Palminteri doesn't know one of his hunting buddies.

Las Vegas Review-Journal columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@review-journal.com or 702-383-0352.