Pro Bowl a party, so it should move to Las Vegas

This is the worst day for sports on TV. This is the day they play the Pro Bowl in Hawaii.

During the dog days of July and August, there might come a day when the Yankees aren't playing the Red Sox, and that will be difficult, too. But there probably will be a NASCAR truck race or something like that, and that'll see you through.

NBC today has the hockey equivalent of the Pro Bowl, the NHL All-Star Game, which is fine if one lives in Buffalo or Saskatoon or enjoys watching pond hockey played indoors where one team scores 14 goals and the other 12.

And No. 22 Michigan is playing No. 3 Ohio State on CBS, and that also might see one through, were it football. While college basketball on TV has its place -- in March, for instance -- its place is not on the 29th of January following the two absorbing pro football conference championship games played on the 22nd of January.

Ravens vs. Patriots, 49ers vs. Giants. Now that was reality TV at its finest, a compelling display of the human drama of athletic competition and what have you.

And that's why this is the worst day for sports on TV. There's no football, at least not real football with blocking and tackling.

Today, the AFC stars will play two-hand touch against the NFC stars at Aloha Stadium, which could spawn a fair display of intentional grounding, considering it is legal in the Pro Bowl. There's no man in motion, and one can't blitz. Nor can one rush a punt, an extra point or a field-goal attempt.

It wouldn't surprise me if Garo Yepremian is contemplating a comeback.

Yepremian kicked five field goals in the 1974 Pro Bowl, lifting the AFC to a 15-11 victory when there still was blocking and tackling. One was allowed to rush punts, extra points and field goals in those days. And so Mel Renfro did, planting Yepremian in the turf like a daisy for "keeking a touchdown," or however Alex Karras put it. Renfro was not penalized, for in 1974 it was not against the rules to plant bald-headed Cypriot kickers of Armenian descent in the turf like a daisy.

That was the year the Pro Bowl was played at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Mo. It was 41 degrees at kickoff, with moist, cloudy skies that contributed to an unfathomable 14 turnovers in the first half.

So they moved the Pro Bowl to Hawaii in 1980, where it remained for 30 consecutive seasons. In 2010, the game was played in Miami the week before the Super Bowl instead of the week after, not that many noticed, and so the Pro Bowl returned to Hawaii last year, where a lack of blitzing and rushing on punts, extra points and field goals produced a 55-41 NFC victory.

The game was not nearly as interesting as that final score would indicate and did nothing to repair the tattered image of the NFL's all-star contest. At least not according to The Associated Press, which began its story that way.

Do you know the Pro Bowl is the only all-star game that draws lower TV ratings than its sport's regular-season games?

Thus, there are only two objectives for Pro Bowl participants. The first is not to get injured. The second is to party like it's 1999.

This is why the Pro Bowl should move to Las Vegas, where every day is like 1999, and where there is a Prince tribute show at Hooter's casino.

Las Vegas Events president Pat Christenson, citing the NBA's relaxed stand on legalized gambling, which paved the way for its all-star game to be played here in 2007, called the NFL's Cro-Magnon era stance on the subject "overblown." But he says Sam Boyd Stadium is not adequate to host the Pro Bowl. You can't keek touchdowns eight miles from where the action is.

"The problem with Sam Boyd is location," Christenson said. "It doesn't have the synergy that ties it to the Strip and the community. If we were to have a stadium that seats 45,000 to 50,000, if we were successful in getting a new stadium that is closer to everything, then we could have those conversations. A new stadium would position us differently than we are now with all kinds of events like this."

The big news on the NFL.com Pro Bowl site Saturday was that Von Miller of the Denver Broncos had caught a 250-pound blue marlin while deep sea fishing.

So in addition to the new stadium, we'll have to import some big fish.

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352. Follow him on Twitter: @ronkantowski.