Three Up, Three Down

These are my sports-related accomplishments as they stand so far: Bowling a 200 game when I was 15 and another when I was 52, batting three times against Dan Schatzeder in college without striking out and the one of which I now am most proud -- not turning on TV when ESPN crawled under the covers with LeBron James to make news instead of report it.

We Are All Witnesses? Uh-uh.

A lot of us, based on the overnights, were witnesses to LeBron revealing he would be going back to Miami, going back to his boys Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.

Not all of us.

There were 4,988 (at least paid) at Cashman Field, who were witness to Luis Figueroa of the Salt Lake Bees giving his old teammates a ration after they played him at Little League World Series depth, and he hit the ball over the left fielder's head for a double. And I'm not sure that kid from Xavier who dunked over LeBron at The King's own summer camp was watching, either.

Delonte West? Probably watching. Hopefully not with LeBron's mom. You know how people talk.

LeBron James is a great, great basketball player with an ego to match. He has yet to win an NBA championship. Michael Jordan was a great, great basketball player who won six NBA championships while playing with Scottie Pippen and three doorknobs. Egomaniacal? Perhaps. But most times when you saw Michael Jordan on TV when he wasn't playing basketball (or baseball), it was in an underwear commercial. Usually with Charlie Sheen.

One media critic called Selection Thursday "the worst decision in marketing history."

I don't know about that, but it was probably enough to make Geraldo roll over in Al Capone's vault.

THREE UP

■ CHRIS SHEFF: The Bishop Gorman to College of Southern Nevada baseball coaching merry-go-round continues with the former Florida Marlins farmhand having been named to replace Tim Chambers, who has moved on to UNLV. With the baseball status quo at CSN safe at home, it'll be interesting to see who Gorman, which has won five consecutive state baseball titles under Sheff and has lots of resources, gets to replace him. I'm guessing Joe Torre.

■ J.P. ARENCIBIA: The 51s' slugger -- 23 homers this year -- will be competing against two high school players (D.J. King and Westyn Baylor), one can't-miss prospect who so far has missed (Alex Gordon of the Kansas City/Omaha Royals), one Iron Pig (36-year-old Andy Tracy of the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs) and three other guys (Jay Gibbons of Albuquerque, Jeff Frazier of Toledo and Dan Johnson of Durham) in Monday's Triple-A All-Star Game Home Run Derby in Allentown, Pa. Allentown is where Billy Joel said they are closing all the factories down and have taken all the coal from the ground. And yet, their unemployment rate still is lower than ours.

■ COURT JESTERS AND POKER FACES: The men's and women's champions at the U.S. Open each will make a record $1.7 million this year, which might be a good reason to put a tennis racket in your kid's hand as soon as he is old enough to hold one. For the sake of comparison, last year's main event winner at the World Series of Poker at the Rio earned $8.5 million, which might be a good reason to put a river card in your kid's other hand and name him after a city in Texas.

THREE DOWN

■ WISCONSIN (VS. UNLV) FOOTBALL TICKETS: They went on sale Saturday and cost $75 -- even the ones in the end zone. One shouldn't fault UNLV for trying to make a buck during a sluggish economy, but $75 for an end zone seat seems a little high when the same seat for Texas Christian (which is better than Wisconsin) costs just $19. Furthermore, I paid only $34 to see U2 (also better than Wisconsin) and the Black Eyed Peas (not as good as Wisconsin but better than Michigan) last year at Sam Boyd Stadium, and neither one fumbled.

■ DECISION TIME: Unrestricted NBA free agent Joel Anthony of UNLV will announce where he will play next season during a 30-minute special on ESPN2 called "A Smaller Decision." Either John Buccigross or Trey Wingo will host.

■ JAMES TONEY: It's going to be boxer James Toney versus mixed martial artist Randy Couture at UFC 118 in August, which should prove once and for all what boxing and MMA fans both have known all along: that James Toney is fat.

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352.