Three Up, Three Down

Is there a more meaningless penalty in sports than "vacating" a bowl game victory or Final Four appearance?

OK, there is. I forgot about NASCAR putting Carl Edwards on probation for wrecking Brad Keselowski outside of St. Louis last week after Edwards was put on probation for wrecking Keselowski outside of Atlanta in March. It's a good thing this sort of justice didn't apply in the 1930s, or John Dillinger still would be robbing banks.

This is why the NCAA needs a Lady in Red or Melvin Purvis heading its infraction committee.

True, a two-year bowl ban and loss of double-digit scholarships it handed Southern California over Reggie Bush under Pete Carroll's not-so-watchful eye was a heavy penalty, for a change. But forfeiting victories and putting asterisks by them in the media guide is laughable. It's not like Sports Illustrated is gonna recall all those commemorative championship footballs as if they were Toyotas and draw a slash through the Trojans' logo.

Vacating a Final Four appearance under Dana Kirk in 1985 was such a deterrent at Memphis State that it vacated another one under John Calipari in 2008. The only thing that changed is that Memphis dropped "State" from its name, and Calipari now is coaching at Kentucky.

USC should forget about sending Bush's Heisman Trophy back to the Downtown Athletic Club, too. I don't think it even wants its trophy back.

"The Heisman Trophy Trust will have a comment at the appropriate time," the stodgy group said in a stodgy statement. "Until that time, it will have no comment." Way to go out on a limb, fellas. That's taking a stand for truth, justice and the Bowl Championship Series way.

Given such apathy, USC should just send the Heisman to Will Ferrell or Snoop Dogg.

Or new athletic director Pat Haden could have it strapped to Keselowski's bumper with Edwards closing fast. What's the worst that could happen?

Yeah, I know. Probation.

THREE UP

■ SUMMERTIME PLAYAZ: One of the differences between American Legion baseball and AAU Summertime Basketball Tournaments for High School Kids Sponsored by Major Sneaker Companies is that many American Legion teams have the word "Post" in their names or are sponsored by a Conoco station. Many of the basketball teams go by Playaz or Ballerz or Gym Ratz or some other nickname in which the plural is formed by dropping "s" and adding "z." Or NBA players -- I mean, playaz -- sponsor them. But as much as I'd love to see a team called "Will Perdue's Bench Sittaz" hoop it up in the adidas Super 64, it's probably not gonna happen.  

■ LIBERTY RED: The American Legion team finished 20-0 in the Nevada Youth Baseball Association AA Division and will move on to regional play in Fargo, N.D., against Marge Gunderson's Black Hills Playaz or nine pimply faced kids from Bismarck sponsored by a Conoco station. Bishop Gorman Orange was second with a 16-2 record and had Greg Maddux as pitching coach, proving how difficult it is to teach a 16-year-old how to throw a changeup.

■ LAS VEGAS SHOWGIRLZ: Our distaff tackle football team's bid to win the Women's Football Alliance championship ended with an 8-6 loss to the Lone Star Mustangs of Texas in the semifinals. The Mustangs will meet the Columbus (Ohio) Comets in the WFA championship game at 7 p.m. Saturday at Las Vegas' Faith Lutheran High School. The Detroit Lions got next.

THREE DOWN

■ PETER GUBER: A couple of guys possessing large bags of money, one of which is the former Las Vegas 51s ownership point man, have agreed to purchase the Golden State Warriors for $450 million. This leads me to believe that Guber and his pals at Mandalay Entertainment Group could have built a new stadium for the 51s with money found between their sofa cushions.

■ PACQUIAO VS. MAYWEATHER JR.: The fight that everyone wants to see apparently isn't going to happen because the cat has Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s tongue or he doesn't do deadlines. And now the fight no one wants to see, Manny Pacquiao vs. Antonio Margarito, might not happen, either, because no one wants to give a license to a guy who dips his fists in plaster to form cinder blocks -- which is frowned upon, even in boxing. Now you know why Dana White starts every day with a belly laugh.

■ BAD TIMING: On the same day UNLV basketball star Tre'Von Willis pleaded not guilty to hassling his part-time lady friend, someone put out word that quarterback Jeremiah Masoli, formerly of Oregon and the San Mateo, Calif., juvenile detention system, had narrowed his transfer choices to UNLV or The Mean Machine. In terms of timing, this was like Herbert Hoover becoming president on the eve of the Great Depression. 

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352.