Three Up, Three Down

With all respect due Woody Hayes, Bob Knight or Russell Crowe; with a dubious appreciation of Mike Tyson, for taking a chunk out of Evander Holyfield's ear; or of Alec Baldwin, for taking a chunk out of his daughter's rear end, I might have witnessed the ultimate meltdown at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway Bullring on Thursday night.

Every First of July celebration -- the Bullring apparently was eager to get a jump on things -- should include stock-car racing; hot dogs, beers and sodas that cost $1; and fireworks.

And maybe a jet dragster that belches flames on an old delivery van until the van looks like the Wicked Witch of the West, when Dorothy threw water on her.

I'm with you, Beavis. This "Night of Fire" was even better than Ronnie James Dio's opening riff on "Holy Diver."

This is the sort of thing that tends to go over well at county fairs and states such as Kentucky. But I must admit that when those jet engines started breathing fire and turned that van into a cowering inferno, I let out a war whoop, as one might do were he lying in ambush at Little Big Horn, or if someone named Earnhardt had just taken the lead.

In addition to my five years of college, other things that went up in smoke -- and a great deal of intense yellow-orange flame -- were a plush toy of the NASCAR mascot Digger, an entire box of World Cup vuvuzelas, some guy's porn collection that his wife had discovered and the delinquent credit card and mortgage statements of a couple who recently had declared bankruptcy. These were items placed inside the van for kindling -- and a chance to win two seats to next year's Sprint Cup race at LVMS.

As for me, I left the Bullring filled with a sense of wonderment and awe, hoping like heck they get Speed TV in Paducah, Ky., where I soon will be moving.

THREE UP

■ BISHOP GORMAN: MaxPreps, a website devoted to high school sports, has ranked the Gaels' athletic program No. 6 in the nation for the second consecutive year for winning state championships in football, boys basketball, girls basketball, baseball, girls tennis and girls swimming. About the only title Gorman didn't win was in hot dog eating, but that's only because hot dog eating isn't a sport, no matter what ESPN says.

■ SEQUOIA HOLMES: The former UNLV and Mojave High standout is one of five former Mountain West Conference players on WNBA rosters, having appeared in seven of the Phoenix Mercury's 16 games. UNLV assistant coach Nikki Blue is a backup point guard for the New York Liberty. Former Lady Rebels superstar Linda Frohlich is playing pro ball in Europe, where she helped lead her team, MCM Targoviste, to the Romanian championship in May. Targoviste is where Nicolae Ceausescu, the former Romanian secretary general, and his wife, Elena, were executed by firing squad in 1989. So keep getting those rebounds, Linda.

■ PACQUIAO VS. MAYWEATHER: It looks as if the big fight is back on, and the only thing I can figure out is that someone has assured Manny the nurse will give him a Band-Aid after she draws his blood.

THREE DOWN

■ TRE'VON WILLIS: This bit of alleged domestic tawdriness involving the UNLV basketball star and a female acquaintance is threatening to tear the Rebels' season asunder before it begins. This is why, as Sam Kinison said, it's better just to ask for your records back and move on. Although you might want to first lower your voice.

■ UNLV STUDENT-ATHLETES: This laughable term must be changed to "athlete-students." UNLV announced last week that its baseball team put 15 of its members on the Mountain West's All-Academic team for spring sports. Somewhere, former coach Buddy Gouldsmith must be proud. He was fired last month, ostensibly for recruiting too many students, not enough athletes.

■ TWICE AS NICE: Everyone thinks it would be great were Las Vegas Motor Speedway to beg, borrow or steal a second NASCAR Sprint Cup race from Atlanta or New Hampshire, because it makes good economic dollars and sense. Conversely, when then-UNLV athletic director Jim Weaver suggested a few years back that UNLV and UNR should play twice a year in football for the same reason, he was called an idiot.

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352.