78 creative ways to be political this Halloween
Is it just us, or has this whole year been Halloween? We’ve been scared, spooked and binge-eating candy since January already.
Now that the actual holiday is here, just before Election Day, Halloween 2016 has no chance of being a time of blissful escapism. That pant-suited grandma and the pumpkin-tinted reality star are barking at us from every screen — but that doesn’t mean they have to be your Halloween costumes!
So, please throw away those blonde wigs. Stop practicing your pronunciation of “yuuge.” Give your mom her shoulder pads back. If you must don an election-related Halloween costume, please be something else.
Here are a few ideas. You can tell your friends you thought of them yourself. If you win a costume contest with one of our ideas, please send us candy. (If you change your skin tone or something equally stupid to achieve these looks, we disown you.)
1. A basket of deplorables
2. The woman card
3. A sexy undecided voter
4. A 400-pound hacker
5. A Nasty Woman. (How to dress? Pretty sure Destiny’s Child or Janet Jackson have some suggestions for you.)
6. Duo costume: Two puppets yelling at each other, “No, you’re the puppet!”
7. A splinter (the GOP)
8. Jeb’s exclamation point
9. Duo costume: Michelle Obama hugging George Bush
10. Lincoln Chafee (or add Gold Bond for Chafee Lincoln)
11. Ted Cruz, Zodiac Killer
12. Heidi Cruz with a shopping cart full of 100 cans of chunky Campbell’s soup
13. Trump’s tax returns, or just the number 915,729,923
14. Lindsay Graham’s cell phone number
15. Duo costume: Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton, just chattin’
16. Bill Clinton playing in balloons
17. John Kasich eating a giant sandwich (Bonus: you get to eat a giant sandwich)
18. Chris Christie’s facial expressions
19. Kid costume: Little Marco
20. Vermin Supreme
21. The belt buckle that saved the guy Ben Carson tried to stab
22. (Very large) group costume: All the presidential candidates who lost
23. Trump’s wall
24. Trump’s hair
25. Trump’s locker room
26. Trump Jr.’s Skittles
27. Trump’s Tic Tacs
28. Regretful Joe Biden
29. Hillary’s “damn emails”
30. Hillary’s pan(dering)
31. Huma
32. Anthony Weiner
33. The cloth that wiped Hillary’s server
34. Draft Biden (jersey)
35. “Senioritis” Obama
36. Duo costume: Obama 8 years ago and Obama today
37. Deez Nuts
38. Putin on a horse
39. Little hands
40. Birdie Sanders
41. Billy Bush, job applicant
42. Sarah Palin in that sweater
43. The Red Hat
44. The Harriet Tubman $20 bill
45. Group costume: The USA Freedom Kids
46. A Trump University graduate
47. Woke toddler
48. America’s Dad, Tim Kaine
49. Mike Pence trying to get Trump on the phone
50. Sean Hannity waiting by his phone
51. Rosie O’Donnell
52. CNN countdown clock
53. Group costume: Eight SCOTUS justices and an empty chair
54. Rudy Giuliani
55. Megyn Kelly
56. Flabbergasted pundit
57. Mute Matt Lauer
58. Matt Drudge
59. Group costume: the hosts of late night
60. Taco bowl (“Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”)
61. Hot sauce in her bag
62. Katrina Pierson (requires necklace made of bullets)
63. Tiffany Trump (requires nametag)
64. Melania in “pussy bow”
65. Group costume: The three wives of Donald Trump
66. Duo costume: Chelsea and Ivanka, BFFs
67. The national debt
68. Julian Assange in loungewear
69. Fact checkers who haven’t slept in months
70. Group costume: Four Pinocchios (excellent photobombing potential)
71. David Fahrenthold’s notebooks
72. A small loan of a million dollars
73. Law & Order
74. Merrick Garland, still waiting
75. A super PAC (superhero cape + Pacman costume)
76. The giant meteor that 13 percent of voters are inclined to pick over Trump or Clinton
77. Kanye 2020
78. A founding father rolling in his grave
Beth Butler, Caitlin Dewey, Karen Heller, Maura Judkis, Michelle Ye Hee Lee and Abby Ohlheiser contributed to this “report.”
