Eliza Dushku in leather pants returns to small screen in ‘Dollhouse’

This may come as a shock to many of you, but what I know about women could fit in a Twitter post. A text message, if I'm feeling verbose.

Basically, it boils down to this: Don't even acknowledge Jessica Simpson's weight. If it turns out the young lady you're getting to know online just gave birth to octuplets, run. And never, under any circumstances, no matter how tempting it might seem, have lunch with Eliza Dushku.

The actress, who stars in the new high-concept drama "Dollhouse" (9 p.m. Friday, KVVU-TV, Channel 5), has proven more successful at getting people to do things they normally wouldn't than a bottle of Cuervo and waterboarding combined. (The only thing more effective? Cuervoboarding.)

Take Joss Whedon. The mad-genius creator of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel" hadn't had a series on the air since 2004. He was done with TV. Especially Fox, which brutalized his third series, "Firefly," by airing episodes out of sequence and all but daring viewers to tune in.

But during one of their periodic get-togethers -- Dushku came to fame playing Faith, the leather pants-wearing, Xander-deflowering slayer on "Buffy" and "Angel" -- the actress shared some of the themes she hoped to include in a series she was developing for Fox. Then she turned on the charm.

"I said, 'Joss, I need you to write me a show. It needs to be the best show that you've ever written and the best role for me that's ever been written. And I'm here, and we'll do it together, but it has to be you. And I'll buy you this gouda pizza,' " Dushku recalls. "Four hours later, he went to the bathroom and came back and sat down and said, 'It will be called "Dollhouse." ' "

Whedon doesn't deny that coming up with the series wasn't exactly on his agenda. "I came home from lunch," he says, "and I was, like, 'Honey, I accidentally created a Fox show.' "

There's no telling what was in that pizza besides gouda, because his idea was a doozy.

Dushku plays Caroline, an ordinary girl who, because of circumstances that haven't yet been explained, has had her memories and personality removed by a shady corporation. Rechristened Echo, she's one of a handful of Actives, similar blank slates who have new personalities, along with what Liam Neeson refers to in those "Taken" commercials as "a very particular set of skills," imprinted onto them. Whatever a wealthy client needs, he can rest assured that his Active will be transformed into the very best version of it.

And what kind of tasks can viewers expect the Actives to fulfill? "There could be a heist. There could be, you know, helping somebody get over a terrible period in their life. There could be sex. There could be anything we can think of," Whedon says. "Actually we can only think of sex. It's a really bad writers room."

He's kidding. Mostly.

The Actives have coed communal showers at the Dollhouse, the swanky, spalike headquarters they call home. There's Dushku's demonstrated fondness for leather pants. Seconds into Friday's premiere, she's dancing in a skirt so short it should come with its own pixilation. And by episode four, she's wearing hooker boots and giving a lap dance.

All that would be fine -- heck, encouraged even -- if the series weren't so dark. When you actually stop to think that the people who run the Dollhouse are making millions by sending this poor girl out, week after week, to risk life and limb -- and, more often than not, programming her to have sex with their clients -- it gets a little tough to enjoy.

Don't get me wrong, "Buffy" could get pretty grim. But even during the worst of times, witty sarcasm was rarely far from its surface. Here, most of the fun is put squarely on the shoulders of Topher (Fran Kranz), the quirky programmer who imprints the Actives then wipes their minds clean, and he could use some help carrying the load.

"Dollhouse" should find its footing eventually, though, assuming Fox doesn't once again pull the rug out from under Whedon. After all, along with Aaron Sorkin and J.J. Abrams, he'd rank among the top picks for anyone's Fantasy TV Writer League team. (What? You don't have one?)

Actually, "Dollhouse" feels a lot like Abrams' "Fringe," also on Fox, did in its early stages. After generating mountains of fanboy hype -- "Fringe" was shown at Comic-Con; a "Dollhouse" screening was one of the marquee events a couple of weeks back at the National Association of Television Program Executives convention at Mandalay Bay -- the finished products felt like a bit of a letdown, although I'm not sure any series could have lived up to those expectations.

But given time, "Fringe" has developed into a solidly entertaining series.

It's the same path Fox executives hopefully will follow with "Dollhouse."

If not, I'm sure Dushku wouldn't mind inviting them to lunch.

Christopher Lawrence's Life on the Couch column appears on Sundays. E-mail him at clawrence@reviewjournal.com.