“Over Her Dead Body”

It's not the dead body you have to worry about in "Over Her Dead Body."

It's the dead brain cells. Yours.

Yes, this deadly supernatural comedy (make that attempted comedy) manages to trash a sure-fire premise, that of a restless spirit wreaking havoc on the lives of the living.

Hey, it worked for the ever-urbane Noel Coward, whose 1941 play "Blithe Spirit" -- about a long-dead first wife materializing to haunt, and taunt, her newly remarried husband -- remains a classic of the genre.

We've seen Noel Coward. We know Noel Coward.

And "Over Her Dead Body" writer-director Jeff Lowell, you're no Noel Coward.

The screenwriter of 2006's teen comedy "John Tucker Must Die," Lowell is a TV veteran ("Spin City," "Just Shoot Me") who brings a decidedly sitcom mentality to his big-screen directorial debut.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, as characters on one of the all-time great sitcoms, "Seinfeld," would (and did) say.

But when you're spending your hard-earned money -- and more than 90 minutes of your precious time -- you expect something better than the instant tune-out level "Over Her Dead Body" achieves.

Not even the presence of "Desperate Housewives" spitfire Eva Longoria Parker can give this dead-on-arrival stiff a spark of life.

Parker plays Kate, a control-freak Bridezilla who, in a freak wedding-day accident, gets waylaid on her way down the aisle. Permanently.

That leaves Henry ("Knocked Up's" Paul Rudd), her veterinarian fiance, understandably heartbroken. So heartbroken that his sister Chloe (all-grown-up "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" co-star Lindsay Sloane) schemes to help him move on.

And exactly how does she intend to accomplish that? By listening to his tearful memories? By encouraging him to dive back into the dating pool?

No, by recruiting Ashley (former "Boston Legal" and "Surface" regular Lake Bell), a supposedly ditzy part-time psychic who runs a catering business, to convince Henry that she's in contact with Kate from beyond the grave. And that Kate wants him to stop grieving and be happy.

Kate, of course, is doing nothing of the sort. Because she really is in contact with Ashley. She can tell that Ashley and Henry have definite romantic potential. And Kate is determined that they'll explore that romantic potential -- all together, kids! -- over her dead body.

Most movies manage to come up with a story line credible enough to interest the characters supposedly living through it.

But even "Over Her Dead Body's" characters seem bored with what the script tells them to do. (They're not the only ones.)

Being boring is bad enough. But this movie -- and its characters -- manage to bore and annoy simultaneously. It's a bit like patting your head and chewing gum at the same time; neither activity, done separately, seems particularly irritating, but together they can be downright aggravating.

How aggravating? Let us count the ways.

Starting with the basics, "Over Her Dead Body" introduces a collection of characters notable for their striking lack of appeal -- a fatal flaw in a supposed romantic comedy.

Then again, if it ain't on the page, it ain't on the (sound)stage, which means the poor actors can't do much about Lowell's sluggish pacing and strained script.

They certainly don't do much for it.

Nails on a chalkboard qualify as soothing compared to Parker's bitch-on-wheels routine -- and she's only a supporting character. The ornamental but lethargic Lake's cascading curls, meanwhile, provide the only kinky quality her supposedly kooky character possesses.

Rudd, who's usually on-target playing outwardly affable, inwardly despairing characters, mopes around well enough, but not because he's pining for his dearly departed fiancee. You'd be depressed, too, if this were the only leading-man role you could get following standout supporting turns in such winners as "Knocked Up" and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin."

And let's not forget poor Jason Biggs, trapped in the thankless role of Ashley's hapless gay pal and catering partner. I'm sure Biggs is nostalgic for his "American Pie" glory days. After watching this, so was I -- and any movie that makes me yearn for another slice of "American Pie" must be a turkey indeed.

But enough tiptoeing around the central question. Would I recommend "Over Her Dead Body"? Over my dead body.

Yet why be so gloomy? Let's look at the bright side. I've already suffered through it -- so you don't have to.

Contact movie critic Carol Cling at ccling@reviewjournal.com or (702) 383-0272.