What’s the real story behind Reid’s injuries?
The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Media Generation Machine has been working overtime trying to generate interest in various alternative explanations for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s facial injury, suffered in January during an accident with exercise bands at his Henderson home.
And we’ve apparently reached the stage of the story where rumors and legend get mainstream coverage, if only to be debunked, scoffed at and shot down.
Of course, no amount of evidence supporting Reid’s account of his own injury — and surely, if it wasn’t true, he’d have made up a less embarrassing cover story? — will satisfy those inclined to hate and distrust him. That’s why the only sensible thing to do is revel in the absurdity of it all!
Herewith, the Top 10 Real Explanations for Harry Reid’s Injuries!
10. Unwisely intervened in a fight between the notoriously ill-tempered leprechaun and chupacabra.
9. Pushed down stairs in the Capitol by Chuck Schumer.
8. Accidentally read minority dissent by Clarence Thomas in random court case; banged face on desk in disgust.
7. Media mugging.
6. Attacked by gang of Christmas caroling clean coal spokescoals after his push for green energy put them out of a job.
5. Told Barbara Boxer he disagreed with a ruling from the Senate Ethics Committee, forcing her to reluctantly yet forcefully bring out her pimp hand.
4. Selfie with Loch Ness Monster gone horribly wrong.
3. Beta-testing super-authentic Mike Tyson Wii game.
2. Self-flagellation imposed as part of penance for voting for Iraq War.
And the No. 1 Real Explanation for Harry Reid’s Injuries…
1. Injured on the set of live-action version of The Simpsons, where he has a walk-on role as Mr. Burns.
UPDATE: Oh, that whole “Harry Reid was beaten up by his brother, Larry” thing? Yeah, that was made up out of whole cloth, according to the guy who made it up.
UPDATE: Reid now says this entire flap proves journalism is dead, and he’d like to congratulate the man who embarrassed the right-wingers who propagated the tale.
